Tag: Gossip

Rumor Management

Three days ago, a mass shooting happened in a town very close to where I live. 

Several children were killed.  Dozens were injured.  In a small Alabama town with a population of 3,000, not far from where my child goes to school.  In a town where I have friends living.  In a town where I’ve shopped in a cute little yarn shop. In a little town with a veteran-owned creamery that has amazing ice cream.  In the little town where some of my favorite Alabama hiking trails are located.

In a town that became the center of a rumor mill…overnight.

Rumors about who the shooter was…about how many shooters were involved.  Post the first photos and videos.  Who had been injured? How many? Did you know someone, who knew someone who had been murdered?  Which hospital was most frequently used? Rumors about why the press conferences weren’t happening…why was information being withheld or overshared?  

Isn’t it appalling and intriguing that we live in a society that encourages instant news…and all the better if you are the one with the news first.  It’s true of mass shootings, but it applies to everything.  Why do we want to be the first to share the news?  Did you hear about the new grocery store being built? So-and-so is sleeping with so-and-so.  The lady down the road caught her carport on fire.  Someone else got arrested.  Did you hear…

What would have happened if the disciples had been so quick to start gossiping and spreading the rumors? Imagine, if you will…the rumor-filled conversations that could have happened.

Did you hear what Judas had done?  He betrayed the Lord with a kiss! A kiss? Are you sure…that doesn’t seem right.  He was paid.  How much? Thirty silver coins…that’s it?!?!?!—that doesn’t seem like very much.  The Jewish Chief Priests paid him! Surely not.  Well, I heard that Pontius Pilate’s wife tried to get him to let Jesus go. Who did you hear that from?

But they didn’t have those conversations with one another or with others.  We see in the Gospels that they were more focused on their own journeys and interactions with Jesus.   An interesting observation here…if we focus on Jesus and our own business, we aren’t involved with rumors or gossiping. 

Scripture gives us plenty of examples:

David says to Saul, “Why do you listen to the words of men who say, ‘Behold, David is seeking to harm you’?”-1 Samuel 24:9 (NASB)

 “You shall not give a false report; do not join your hand with a wicked person to be a malicious witness.” -Exodus 23:1 (NASB)

“An evildoer listens to wicked lips; A liar pays attention to a destructive tongue.” -Proverbs 27:4 (NASB)

“Do not accept an accusation against an elder except on the basis of two or three witnesses.” -1 Timothy 5:19 (NASB)

There are plenty more…Proverbs 20:19, Leviticus 19:16, Proverbs 18:7-8, Proverbs 26: 20-21, Proverbs 11:12-13, Psalm 41:6, Romans 1:29

Why is there so much focus on rumor control within the scriptures?  God knows that rumors are dangerous.  Humans are distracted by them, therefore, Christians should not listen or spread rumors in order to attempt to stay focused on the Lord.  We should not entertain rumors or gossip in any capacity.  To the best of our ability, we should allow rumors to stop at our ears.  We should attempt to not internalize them, and we should certainly not start them or repeat them.

Like the disciples refraining from gossiping about Judas, we should also stop ourselves from being involved in the sharing of information that does more harm than good.  Our conversations shouldn’t be guesswork about the neighbor, lies about our co-workers, fabrications about our classmates, or any generalized gossip and rumor. 

In the case of a mass shooting, we should remember to keep our conversations God-centered, truth-focused, and sensitive to the families and victims of the tragedy. 

While we are praying for each of us to watch our tongues this week, please join us on the Iron Porch in praying for the community of Dadeville, Alabama, and the people impacted by the events of Saturday night.

~Emily

Doritos Annoyed

My 9-year-old crunching Doritos, like I imagine a T-Rex would crunch through a bucket of KFC, is enough to drive me completely bonkers.

Loud, open-mouthed, chewing annoys me.

You know what annoys me even more than Dorito crunching?

Gossip under the guise of sharing a prayer request.

Christian women are usually fairly good at stopping themselves from outright and blatant gossip.  We understand that the Bible specifically calls gossip out as sinful.

However, some of us are guilty of gossip under the guise of sharing a prayer request.  We feel as though when sharing a prayer request, we are justified in sharing someone’s personal hurts or prayers.

As I have previously shared in the blog “The Sanctity of the Prayer Request” I take prayer requests very seriously and rarely will share them with someone else, as I want to make sure I have the original requester’s permission to share.

I recently heard an interesting thought about sharing prayer requests.  If the requester was standing right next to you, would you share their prayer request with a third party? If the answer is no, then you should not share.  Even if the answer is maybe, then you shouldn’t share the request.  This seems to be a fairly reasonable gauge to whether or not prayer requests are becoming gossip-centric.

Whether you get annoyed by chopping doritos or gossiping prayer requests, I’m praying that you are steadfast this week that your sharing does not become gossip!

~Emily

“He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy conceals a matter.” ~Proverbs 11:13

Dorito Annoyed

 

 

Gossip or Guidance?

“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” – Ephesians 4:29

When I was a young Airman, I had a supervisor tell me that I was the type of person who thrived on chaos and created drama.  That statement hurt me to my core and allowed me to have some self-reflection time about the type of woman I wanted to be known as.  And guess what? I decided I didn’t want to be known as someone who was involved with chaos, drama, turmoil…and gossip.

Gossip is such an uncomfortable topic.  It’s uncomfortable because so many of us fall into the gossip trap at some point in our lives.  There are varying levels of gossip…the seemingly innocent gossip…the outrageous made-up gossip…and even the justifiable gossip cloaked in truth. There are different players in the game of gossip.  There is the initiator, the contributor, the facilitator, and even the victim.  I know that I have been involved in each of the roles and if I’m honest, in each of the levels of gossip too.

Erin and I were recently talking about the fabric of our friendship and how we’ve never had a fight.  We’ve never gossiped about each other.  We hold each other accountable.  We disagree with one another. Heck we have even disliked decisions that the other made, but we have never fought. Why? I believe there are several reasons.  Our friendship is built on trust. It’s built on respect. It’s built on love. And it’s a friendship that is built on Christ.

What would happen to us, as Christian women, if all our relationships were built on trust, respect, love and Christ?  What if we treated all of our relationships as ones without chaos, without drama, without gossip?

Would we be happier people? Would we accomplish more? Would we reflect Christ’s love for all of His people?

Obviously, you can’t know if all your relationships are built on mutual trust, mutual respect, mutual love, or mutual relationship with God.  But you can know if you will exhibit these traits.

Let’s go back to gossip.  Women typically love to talk. And we love to talk about each other.  We are a catty group of humans.  It does not matter what label you put on yourself, women are at fault for talking about each other.  Christian women too.  Ours however, may be more dangerous gossip than that of the non-believer.  Why?  Well, we mask our gossip as “venting” or worse as “seeking council” from other Christian women.

Please know this, I believe we need to seek wise council.  Occasionally, we need to vent.  If we keep our thoughts, dreams, and prayers to ourselves then we are unable to be held accountable by other Christians.  The distinction between wise council seeking and gossip is when you make the decision about whether or not the conversation will make its way back to the subject.

Let’s imagine you take a topic to someone you trust and respect…simply to vent or to get guidance.

If you talk about someone and never intend to bring it to him or her, then it could be gossip.

If you talk about someone and intend to bring it to him or her after seeking council, then it may not be gossip…it may truly be seeking guidance.

“Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy; No one who has a haughty look and an arrogant heart will I endure.” – Psalm 101:5

Let’s flip the script now.  Let’s imagine that someone is coming to you for a venting session or because they are seeking your guidance.

If you aren’t sending them to speak with the individual to resolve the situation, then your guidance is not holy…it is likely part of the gossip.

If you join in the venting session because you’ve been hurt by the individual, then you are contributing to the gossip.

If you ask them what their role is in the scenario, or if you ask them what they intend to say to the individual, or if you encourage them to speak to the person…then you are stopping the gossip. You are providing guidance.

“He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets, But he who is trustworthy conceals a matter.” – Proverbs 11:13

There’s a fine line between gossip and guidance.  It’s a hard line to see, but it’s an easy one to cross.  Our flesh wants the confirmation that we have been wronged. We crave the vindication that we are right and that we are justified in the gossiping.  As humans, we desire someone else to come beside us and share our outrage at injustices…perceived or real.

But what would happen if we stopped the gossip?

What would happen if we started building our relationships on trust, respect, love and Christ?

If we stopped gossiping and replaced that with truth talk directly to the people involved, wouldn’t we start building trust, respect, love…and show how Christ would have functioned?

There are relationships that are toxic. Ones that eventually need to be severed. But for the average relationship, trust and respect are started with honesty.  Honesty can be sometimes harsh or sometimes softer, but should never be expressed in a deliberately hurtful manner.  Honest talk builds healthy relationships.

“He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, Therefore do not associate with a gossip.” – Proverbs 20:19

 Let’s band together as Christian women to refine one another. Together we can start to stop the gossip within our homes, our churches, and our workplaces. Let’s identify the flaws and press into the Lord with our desire to do better.

~Emily

“Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.”               – Psalm 141:3