Tag: family

Guest Blogger: Esther Welling “Who Am I?”

It has been a little over a month since my retirement ceremony from the military.

By the time one is eligible to retire from the service at 20 years, or in my case 22 years, you’ve encountered others whom you’ve served with begin to retire as well.

One thing evident by attending multiple retirement ceremonies is noticing the existential crises many endure.

You become keenly aware that “who I am” comes into question after years/decades of wearing our nation’s cloth to sacrifice and defend her way of life.

Who am I outside of this uniform? Who am I, other than Rank Last Name or Soldier, Sailor, Airman, Marine, or Guardian? The military life is the only life I’ve known. I spent my childhood and teen years as an Army child and then joined the Air Force at 18 years old. After 20 years in the Air Force I transferred into the military’s newest branch, the Space Force, where I had to adjust my identity from Airman to Guardian.

There are many articles online that depict the tale of the veteran. The one who, after a brief feeling of excitement soon after transitioning, a period of post-separation angst and anxiety descends. Some feel alone and isolated, in search of purpose. The military emphasizes “in-group” identity, where an individual prioritizes the values and norms of the group over their own. In the Air Force, this was one of the core values of Service before Self.

As I prepare to step away from military life, I am reminded that my identity is not rooted in my military service, yet it is rooted in Jesus Christ.

How often do we do this as Christians? We proudly wear our titles of professional, mother, daughter, wife, or even our own measures of success. We proclaim our identity as Christians, but do we truly recognize the peace we have as being a child of God? John 1:12 reminds us, “Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God”. And though our positions and titles may change, God is unchanging. (Malachi 3:6). We can stand fast and have hope in the gift of our identity in Christ.

I might not be Chief or the Senior Enlisted Leader anymore, but I’m always Esther, a daughter of the king. Our identities in this world are temporary, stand firm in your eternal identity in Christ.

Esther

Mother’s Day Wind Chimes

A few years ago, my son got me wind chimes for Mother’s Day.  It’s a big one that rings loud and clear with just a whisper of a breeze. 

I love these wind chimes.  First because my then 8-year-old picked them out.  Second, they instantly make the noise of the world disappear.  I could be sitting on my back porch and hear the distant barking of a neighbor’s dog, or someone mowing their lawn, or even an airplane flying high overhead.  But those chimes take the place of any other distracting noises.

The sweet sound of bells tinkling instantly centers me.  I love the music of chimes.  The noise of the backyard is gone in a moment. 

Our daily lives are filled with distractions and noise that grab our attention.  These things vie for our attention in our hearts and heads…which makes it easy for us to lose focus.  Lose focus on what?  On the things that are important: our families, our marriages…our God. 

It’s important that we have distraction-free time with God so that we can focus on prayer, fellowship, and mediation with our Heavenly Father.  It’s one-on-one time with the Lord, where we draw closer to Him.  It’s during that time that we are able to “hear” His voice.  And it’s at that distraction-free moment that we grow as disciples.  Psalm 119:15 (NASB) says, “I will meditate on your precepts and regard your ways.”

I’m guilty of “squeezing” God in when I have free moments.  For instance, I have a prayer board in my bathroom so that I can pray over requests while I get ready for the day.  The prayer time is good and deliberate.  But if I’m brushing my teeth or doing my make-up, it’s not prayer that is distraction-free. 

The bigger issues that distract us from God are ones we need to take note of.  These are typically heart issues, which will reveal what we love.  Martha experienced this revelation of her heart.

Martha was busy in the kitchen, preparing for her guests, while Jesus was teaching in her home.  Martha began complaining that her sister, Mary was not assisting with the preparations. In fact, Mary was sitting at Jesus’ feet listening to His lessons.

In response to Martha’s complaint, Jesus said, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary.  Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42.

Martha had been distracted from Jesus.  How had she been distracted? Her tasks? Her entertaining agenda? By the guests?  No…Jesus reveals that she’s distracted by her own anxiousness.  What was she anxious about?  Entertaining? Her guests’ comfort?  The temperature of the food? More than likely, she was most anxious about how everyone would think about her and her household if she was not successful at serving the guests.

Martha didn’t acknowledge her distraction…not until Jesus pointed it out to help her see the heart issue of her distraction.  She thought she was doing the right thing…but her values were not on point because of her distractions.  She was then able to shift her attention to what was more important…the Lord. 

In our distracted lives, in our busyness, we should be asking ourselves about what is truly distracting us from our relationship with God.  Are we choosing the “good portion” or something less?

I’m praying this week that we each find the peace that wind chimes bring me and that we each have an undistracted experience with God. 

Happy Mother’s Day.

~Emily

Family

Last weekend, Chris and I were lucky enough to spend it at Orange Beach with AHERO at their 5th Annual Warrior Hook-up Event.  AHERO connects veterans and first responders through outdoor activities as a means to heal from physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual wounds.  It was a weekend with over 40 veterans getting to know each other, sharing and healing. While neither of us have been in the service, we were fortunate enough to be part of the volunteer staff. 

When the weekend was over and Chris and I were driving home, we were at a loss for words on how to accurately describe what we experienced.  Over and over again, we saw camaraderie and friendships grow.  We saw people bonding over common themes and common service.  More than once, we heard people describe this weekend as spending it with “family.”  It didn’t matter that they weren’t actually related or that they’d only just met; they were joined together because of AHERO and their service to country.  By the end of the weekend, we were fortunate enough to say they were our family, too.

As believers, we are also part of a different family, God’s family.  The Bible gives us clear scripture that tells us who our Father is.

“But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name,” –John 1:12

“And I will be a Father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me,” says the Lord Almighty.” –2 Corinthians 6:18

“Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, ‘Abba!  Father!’”—Galatians 4:6

Whether your earthly family is right beside you every step of the way or has abandoned you long ago, when you accept Christ as your Savior and call on His name, you become part of the family of God.  You now have a Father who will never leave you.  You do not have to walk alone. 

Not only do you have a Heavenly Father who is there, you have your Christian brothers and sisters who are connected to you, as well.  As members of that family, we should be displaying God’s love to each other.  These men and women from the weekend’s events showed me what that looks like.  They encouraged, they pushed, they challenged, they supported, and they loved.   

Even though the weekend is now over and everyone is back at their homes around the country, we are still texting back and forth, checking on each other, and getting to know each other better.  I pray that each of you see you have family in the body of Christ.

If you don’t know what it means to have God as your Father, please reach out to me or Emily.  We’d love to talk to you about how you can become a part of the family of God!

~Erin 

5th Annual Warrior Hook-up at Orange Beach AHERO

Violent Drivers

On a busy stretch of highway between Birmingham and Montgomery, I found myself in a traffic jam of epic proportions.  A trip that normally takes 1.5 hours, took me over four.  While waiting in bumper-to-bumper traffic that was stopped more than it was rolling, I took note of a Dad pulling to the side so his child could get out and pee.

As traffic started to slowly move out, I crept slowly forward and suddenly heard the loudest crunch and horns blaring behind me.  I didn’t feel the thump of movement on my own vehicle, so I was confident I hadn’t been rear-ended. In my rearview mirror, I watched the truck directly behind me moving forward while a smaller vehicle had been zipping up the shoulder and had to stop because of the child using the side of the road as a restroom…and yet the smaller car tried to nose its way into traffic ahead of the truck.  Essentially striking the truck, which DESTROYED its bumper and the hood started to crumple.

That wasn’t the alarming part of this road rage story.

I then saw the driver of the small vehicle on the shoulder (the one who was very clearly in a hurry and frankly, in the wrong), exit his car and come running up to the truck’s passenger side window.  He launched himself into the window and started screaming…and from the rearview mirror, it looked like he was about to start hitting the teen driving the truck.  He reached for the gear shift or the keys. 

In all honestly, I thought I was going to watch him shoot the driver of the truck. As I watched in my rear-view mirror, I was dumbfounded by the scene unfolding directly behind me. I then glanced left and saw the Dad hustling to get his kid back into their car and out of the direct line of fire.

I prayed out loud for the Dad and young child. I prayed that the angered driver would calm down. I prayed that the teen driver of the truck wouldn’t be harmed. 

While I was praying, Proverbs 14:29 came to mind, “One who is slow to anger has great understanding, But one who is quick-tempered exalts foolishness.” (NASB).

The very angry driver was the one who had been in the wrong.  Compounding his negligent driving was the fact he was out of control with his anger.  In fact, he looked very scary and dangerous.  Foolish.

Our ability to control our anger is a reaction that is learned.  God gives us directions in the book of James regarding being slow to anger.  “You know this, my beloved brothers and sisters Now everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for a man’s anger does not bring about the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20 (NASB). 

I’m sure in the heat of the moment, the angered driver didn’t give two hoots about honoring God.  However, as a Christian, a mother, a wife, a sister, a friend, and as an example of what it looks like to walk with the Lord…I want to honor God in all that I do.  Including how I would react in a car accident so that I’m not seen as the violent driver!

In the next week, I pray that we each have opportunities to exercise our own “slowness to anger” and that all of us are walking examples of Christ’s love.

~Emily

I Hate You & Other Valentine’s Declarations

In the middle of a heated argument that had frankly gone way too far, I said, “I hate you!”  That phrase stopped us both in our tracks.  Literally pumped the breaks on the fight. 

A couple of slow blinks and my husband said, “do you mean that?”

Stuttering and blinking back tears I said, “No, of course, I don’t mean that…I’m just so frustrated and angry…I’m not even sure why I would even say that to you…I am sorry…I shouldn’t have said it.” 

As Christian women, we’re quick to remind ourselves about being a Proverbs 31 woman.  That woman is faithful and expresses reverence towards her husband.  She’s strong, charitable, well-rounded, cares for her family, and fears the Lord.  That woman does not actively argue in anger with her husband.

Often I think we focus solely on the Proverbs 31 woman and we forget the example in Chapter 2 of Titus.  The Titus 2 woman is also a reverent, self-controlled gal who is submissive to her husband.  She also trains young women and is a teacher of good things.  She is specifically not slanderous.  That woman does not tell her husband that she hates him.

My hate-filled declaration during an argument was neither an example of Proverbs 31 or Titus 2.  Here, I violated two separate examples that God has given us about how to behave within a marriage.  Yet, God gives us other examples of harnessing our anger.  In Ephesians 4:31 (NASB) scripture says, “All bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice.”

Why must anger and slander be removed from us?  Simply stated, it’s hard, if not impossible, to love as Christ did while harboring anger. 

Proverbs 10:12 (NASB) tells us, “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.”

Love covers all offenses.  Real ones and perceived ones.  During a marital spat, I need the reminder that I love this guy I’m married to.  He’s not my enemy, rather he’s my teammate and I should be treating him with the respect that is demanded in both Proverbs 31 and Titus 2. 

Obviously, this is specific to marriage, but it’s applicable to any relationship where we want to demonstrate the love of the Lord.  We would all be better if we could remember the lessons of releasing anger and approaching one another in love.

So on the Hallmark holiday of love, I’ll make the public declaration:

I love you, babe…thanks for putting up with me.

~Emily

Tornadoes of Life

From my sliding glass door, I once watched a tornado form and touch down.  That was in Cheyenne, WY.  It wasn’t until I bought a house with my husband in Alabama that I was actually within a polygon for a tornado watch or warning.  And now…I’ve been in more than I can count.  It wasn’t until we settled into retirement in central Alabama that we found out this area is called “Dixie Alley,” as a parallel to “Tornado Alley” in the mid-west. 

In the last week, countless communities and lives have been impacted by a string of tornadoes that powered through Alabama.  The day of the storms was a tidal wave of emotions.  At first, very little concern over the weather.  Then I rush home to pick up outdoor furniture before deciding to go check my son out of school early.  While waiting in a mile-long line of parents picking up their own children early, we learned that a huge tornado had already touched down in Selma.  And we learned that the same supercell was heading toward the communities around us. 

It was a rare moment where I spontaneously began praying out loud while in line (although it was under my breath and not very “out loud”).  I prayed for protection over our small town that has already endured so many tragedies over the last year, but specifically, I was praying for the communities that had already been hit.  I had full confidence that the Lord heard these prayers.  Why?  Because in John 14:13-14 (ESV) we read, “Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.  If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.”

Do you want to know what was more touching than my simple prayers in line?  The response to those who were in need.  Within hours, massive clothing and food drives were organized. Teams of chainsaw-welding men patrolled neighborhoods.  Linemen from in and out of state restored power to all the homes of Alabama.  Social media sprung to life trying to connect photographs tossed miles from home to families. 

Why was there such an intense outpouring of love and response in the moments after these tornadoes touched down?  In some cases, it may be out of kindness or because you would hope that someone would do the same for you. 

For the Christian, it may be because Jesus told us to.  In John 15:12-13 (ESV) Jesus said, “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”   Jesus demonstrated an extravagant love for people.  While we can’t literally lay down our lives for others in daily life, we can choose to love extravagantly in smaller ways.  For instance, we can donate to those who need tangible items after losing everything in a natural disaster. 

God told us in Galatians 6:2, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.”  This means that we do not have to do life alone and that we should be trying to assist one another in burdens and tragedies.  When we see others struggling, we can choose to help with our support, our love, our finances, and any other resources that we may have.  This is a physical outpouring of the love Christ shows us and we in turn can show others.

In the midst of a natural disaster that doesn’t directly impact your home, it’s easy to praise God for sparing you and yours.  However, Hebrews 13:16 reminds us “And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.”  This is a practical reminder to continuously look for ways to impact others with blessings.

The tornadoes that ripped through Alabama last week were devastating.  Yet, it’s been refreshing to watch how much love and care is being shown to the families who lost loved ones and those who are having to rebuild their homes and businesses.  The reality is this: we should react this way during a disaster.  But we should also react this way daily…even when it isn’t tragedy. 

I truly pray that we can act this way towards one another during a crisis and during the calm. 

~Emily

Childhood Nostalgia

Recently, my Mom and I were reminiscing about the chaos and joy surrounding the arrival of the Sunday Paper in our living room when I was younger.  Everyone pulled their favorite section and as a family, we poured over the paper for a couple hours. Before he could read, I remember reading the comics to my brother and later we would fight over who got them first.

This small conversation with my Mom had me recalling other aspects of my childhood that I remember fondly.  For instance, if the summer temperature in Oregon went over 100, we had ice cream and fruit for dinner.  I remember walking to the comic book store with my Brother so he could spend his allowance…and on the way, there was one particular ‘barkless’ dog that we would play with through the fence.  I remember going crawdad hunting with chunks of hot dogs tied to a string.  I also remember my parents dancing in the kitchen.

These are each endearing memories of my childhood.  Each remind me of how family can be structured in moments of happiness.  

I recognize that not everyone had such pleasant childhood memories or parents who were so involved in the children’s lives.  I also recognize that I’m remembering great memories and often gloss over the not so amazing memories.  It was not all sunshine and butterflies for me.  And I know it wasn’t for others either.  

However, the not so nice memories are cloaked in the comfort of scripture.  

A scripture that I often lean on when thinking about family is from Ephesians 3:15 (NASB), which reads “from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name.”

When reading this verse, it’s important to know that the word ‘family’ is closely transplanted in the original language as ‘father.’ In both the Old Testament tradition, as well as our current society, it’s easy to think this verse is referencing families taking the name of the Patriarch’s family.  This is still seen now, as brides take their husband’s last name.  

In reality, the verse is much deeper.  It refers to ‘every family,’ as in ‘all believers’ in Christ.  All of us…as one big family.  Furthermore, we all derive our names from that belonging to Jesus when we adopt the name ‘Christian,’ as derived from the name ‘Christ.’ 

This is a family of hope and love. Can you imagine how that family will interact?  How much greater Heaven will be than pursuing the comics out of the Sunday paper?!?!? There’s no need for nostalgia with a future like that!

No matter what our childhood’s looked like, our future is one of hope through Christ. 

~Emily

Honey Extraction

In the spring, I got my first bee hives.  I’ve used the time learning about and caring for our bees over the last several months to pray for specific people and situations, as well as reviewing scripture. Because the extra time with God and the bees has been such a blessing to me personally, I made a vow to ‘gift’ the entire first batch of honey to family and friends…many of whom had been the focus of my prayers. 

I spun my first frames last week and harvested the first honey.  It was nerve-wracking.  It was exciting.  And it was time consuming.   

From the moment I opened the hives and started making decisions about which frames to harvest to the moment I tightened the last lid on a jar, I discovered that I had to dedicate a substantial amount of time for the entire process.  

The same deliberate dedication to time well spent also applies to the relationships in our lives.  Whether it’s repairing, maintaining, or cultivating relationships within our families, church or school it takes time and deliberate actions to make those relationships impactful.  

One of the most time-consuming relationships is the one where we are forging friendships or acquaintances with non-believers.  These types of interactions are important because we literally pouring into people who may make decisions to follow Jesus based on their experiences with us.  By no means am I saying that more time equals greater chances of them becoming a Christian.  Instead what I’m saying is that the more deliberate the time we invest, the greater the chances are of them seeing Christ’s love through us.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NASB) stated, “Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, just as you also are doing.”

Deliberate investment of time…to encourage one another and build each other up.

Seems easy enough if we’re willing to make the time to do the investing.

The harvesting of honey seems easy enough too…if I’m willing to take the time to care for the bees and go through the process of extracting the honey.

In this case, I was also able to deliberately speak to all the honey recipients about how the first batch was all gifts. It offered a chance to tell people that the bees were a quiet time with God opportunity…and it’s lead to more than one conversation about how to accept Christ as their personal Savior.

I want to encourage you this week to find someone in your life that you want to make some deliberate time for…and then invest. 

~Emily

I Remember…

On 25 June 1996, I was an Airman First Class stationed at Kirtland Air Force Base in New Mexico. I’d been in the Air Force for two years, but had not yet been tagged to go on a deployment.  I sat in the lounge at the hospital and watched news reports about a horrible terrorist incident in Saudi Arabia, where Airmen in a dorm area known as Khobar Towers had been directly targeted.  It wasn’t easy for my 20-year-old, fairly sheltered, self to reconcile that these were my brothers and sisters who had been killed or injured. 

We lost 19 Airmen that night; 17 were enlisted.  Hundreds, and I mean hundreds, were injured.  Over 500 purple hearts were awarded for that night alone. This event changed lives.  For forever. 

Fast forward 26 years to 2022. This last week, the museum where I work, was able to host over 200 guests who were members at the Khobar Towers, family members of those hurt and those killed, as well as currently serving members representing the KIA units.  It was the first time in Air Force history that we specifically honored those who had survived the events of that horrific night.  

The courage of the survivors is also covered with mourning.  Mourning of the loss of dreams, opportunities, and loved ones.  In Matthew 5:4, Jesus said “Blessed are those who mourn.” It’s appropriate to call on this scripture when our hearts hurt from loss.  

It’s also appropriate for us to recognize that Jesus was talking about mourning over our sinful nature; not just loss.  In response to understanding our brokenness, we may be sad.  But it allows us to see our desperate need for God and that if our sin is not addressed, it keeps us from Him.  The separation from God, due to sin, is worthy of mourning.  

The true good news is that God has provided a way to maneuver through the mourning of sin towards Him.  It is belief that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and that by accepting that free gift, we can have the offered grace and forgiveness of our sins. The way to happiness is often through sadness.  The road to rejoicing is often through mourning.  When you come to the cross, you full comprehend just how happiness and mourning can co-exist.  

Each year the anniversary of Khobar Towers is hard for hundreds of families, friends, and survivors.  As I keep in mind their hearts, I am grateful for Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:4.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

I remember them…and pray they have comfort.

~Emily

Care for the Widows

Losing a parent is a roller coaster of emotions.  

My Dad died on Saturday morning and I felt like it was a chaotic series of ups and downs.  Joy that he was finally pain free.  Sadness for the loss.  Relief that my Mom doesn’t have to be the primary caretaker anymore.  Anxiety over all the paperwork.  Annoyance that the screen door was broken by the Funeral Home employees.  Amusement that the 1st visitor from my parents’ church brought lemon muffins and toilet paper.  

I’m not worried about my Dad. He’s home with Jesus. Not a darn thing for me to worry about there. 

But I am concerned about my Mom.  She’s got plans to create a craft room and start going to water aerobics.  She wants to shampoo the carpets and purchase a new couch.  From a grieving perspective, she’s got a healthy thought process about staying in the house for at least a year before she makes big life-changing plans.  She’s going to keep herself busy…and she’s going to get some rest.

I’m most concerned about when the sun sets.  When she has to go to bed alone after having slept in the same bed with her husband for 52 years.  I’m concerned about her finances as she waits for Social Security to transfer over.  I’m concerned about when she has to go to the funeral home alone to pick up paperwork.  I’m concerned about her safety, her sanity, her well-being.  

How can I be so assured about where my Dad is, but be so concerned about my Mom’s well-being?  It’s a sliding graph of hypocrisy to trust God with my Dad’s eternity, but question my Mom’s earthly care as a widow.  

Scripture has helped these last few days with answering those questions.  

“A father of the fatherless and a judge for the widows, is God in His holy habitation.  God makes a home for the lonely…” ~Psalm 68:5-6

“Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress…” ~James 1:27 

“Learn to do good;  Seek justice, Reprove the ruthless, Defend the orphan, Plead for the widow.” ~Isaiah 1:17

When I turn to scripture, I’m comforted and know that God will take care of my Mom better than I ever could.  God has already put in place a plan for us, as believers, to care for the widows and the orphans.  From across the country, I will rest assured her church family will care for her when I geographically can’t.  

Losing a parent is such a hard rollercoaster, but so is caring for the parent left behind.  

I’m requesting prayers this week for all the widows of the world, but most especially for those who are newly titled “widow.”

~Emily