I Hate You & Other Valentine’s Declarations

In the middle of a heated argument that had frankly gone way too far, I said, “I hate you!”  That phrase stopped us both in our tracks.  Literally pumped the breaks on the fight. 

A couple of slow blinks and my husband said, “do you mean that?”

Stuttering and blinking back tears I said, “No, of course, I don’t mean that…I’m just so frustrated and angry…I’m not even sure why I would even say that to you…I am sorry…I shouldn’t have said it.” 

As Christian women, we’re quick to remind ourselves about being a Proverbs 31 woman.  That woman is faithful and expresses reverence towards her husband.  She’s strong, charitable, well-rounded, cares for her family, and fears the Lord.  That woman does not actively argue in anger with her husband.

Often I think we focus solely on the Proverbs 31 woman and we forget the example in Chapter 2 of Titus.  The Titus 2 woman is also a reverent, self-controlled gal who is submissive to her husband.  She also trains young women and is a teacher of good things.  She is specifically not slanderous.  That woman does not tell her husband that she hates him.

My hate-filled declaration during an argument was neither an example of Proverbs 31 or Titus 2.  Here, I violated two separate examples that God has given us about how to behave within a marriage.  Yet, God gives us other examples of harnessing our anger.  In Ephesians 4:31 (NASB) scripture says, “All bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice.”

Why must anger and slander be removed from us?  Simply stated, it’s hard, if not impossible, to love as Christ did while harboring anger. 

Proverbs 10:12 (NASB) tells us, “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.”

Love covers all offenses.  Real ones and perceived ones.  During a marital spat, I need the reminder that I love this guy I’m married to.  He’s not my enemy, rather he’s my teammate and I should be treating him with the respect that is demanded in both Proverbs 31 and Titus 2. 

Obviously, this is specific to marriage, but it’s applicable to any relationship where we want to demonstrate the love of the Lord.  We would all be better if we could remember the lessons of releasing anger and approaching one another in love.

So on the Hallmark holiday of love, I’ll make the public declaration:

I love you, babe…thanks for putting up with me.

~Emily

Unpacking Boxes

On Sunday, my husband completed a 9’ bookshelf for me!  I have boxes of books that have just been waiting for a home, and Chris built me beautiful shelves to begin placing them.  Slowly, but surely, I’m going through each box and getting them on the shelves.  My next step is to alphabetize my fiction and non-fiction books by author as well as separate my Bible study and reference material!  I’m kind of a nerd like that, so I’m very excited!

Sometimes, we have emotional “boxes” in our lives that we’ve tucked away like my books.  It’s something we need to unpack but something hinders us from doing it.  Perhaps it’s a hurt that you don’t wish to feel again.  Maybe it’s anger that you’ve stuffed down to avoid.  It could even be a fear that you’re not ready to deal with.

We keep the boxes hidden away because we don’t have the capacity or space to handle it.  What hinders me from pulling those boxes out, usually, is the need to control the current situation or the outcome.  If I can’t feel it, I don’t have to deal with it.  If I don’t have to deal with it, I don’t have to accept the answer.  The problem is, though, that the box never really goes away.  You just pile boxes on top of it until you’ve got a closet full of old boxes that never get dealt with.

You know who can handle them?  Our God can.  He tells us to give it to Him.  “Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is comfortable, and My burden is light.” –Matthew 11:28-30

He tells us to come to Him and He will help us.  We are to take on the yoke of the Father.  Why?  Because His yoke is comfortable and light.  But how is that possible? Because He bears it with us.  Isn’t that beautiful!  We don’t have to take on those boxes by ourselves.  We have God who walks with us, who is with us through the hard stuff.  It’s truly a gift.

I pray if you have boxes that need unpacking in your life, that you lean into the King of Kings and allow Him to help you as you begin the process.

~Erin

Craving Watermelon

A few mornings ago, I announced to Erin that I wanted some juicy, super sweet, cold watermelon.  In fact, I used the phrase ‘craving watermelon.’ And trust me, it was a very random announcement in the middle of conversation that had nothing to do with food.

First, let me announce that it’s a random craving…and no, I’m not experiencing pregnancy hormones.  Second, it’s February…we’re pretty far away from anything even close to ‘watermelon season.’ Third, when I explained I wanted cold watermelon, I used the phrase “right out of the creek bed.”  Erin demanded an explanation as she laughed at me.  It was sparked by a childhood memory of my mom placing whole watermelons in a creek during our picnics to cool them off before we cut into them.

There is something about watermelon that sings ‘summer’ to me.  It’s the wonderful sight of juicy red fruit and the first inhale of its crisp promise of sweetness. 

However, it’s got one little problem. 

Actually, more than one problem…it’s dozens of problems.

Seeds.  Seeds are the problem.

We have to be careful when consuming watermelon to ensure that we aren’t swallowing large amounts of seeds.  It doesn’t matter if you believe it’s unhealthy or healthy to swallow them…the point is that the seeds can spoil the experience of eating a super sweet piece of fruit.

The same is true with Biblical teachings.  Some appear encouraging and true on the surface.  It’s what we want to hear…or it’s what we can accept at any given time in our lives.  Sometimes popular Christian authors aren’t actually who we should be reading…maybe there are people at church we shouldn’t be hanging out with…perhaps there’s Christian music we shouldn’t be listening to. 

The book of Acts provides us with an example of examining scriptures to see the truth of God’s word.  “Now these Jews were more noble than those in Thessalonica; they received the word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so.” ~Acts 17:11 (ESV)

All Biblical teachings should be compared to God’s Word.  All.  As in, the teachings of others, authors, musicians, and even the people we associate with.  All Biblical teachings should be compared to the Bible. 

If the teaching is true, ingest it. 

If the teaching is found to be false, spit it out…just like the watermelon seeds.

I pray this week that you can enjoy Biblical teachings with discernment to see what you should retain and reject.  And while I’m praying this, I’m still longing for the summer…with the promise of that first sweet bite of watermelon!

~Emily

Is Church Necessary?

Anyone who has read my blog posts for at least a year, knows the story of my youngest daughter who attempted suicide in the spring of last year.  I found myself out of whack with everything, really struggling to not be overwhelmed.  I was focused on working with her to feel better, dealing with the trauma of seeing her that way, and working on the family issues that ensued while still maintaining my work schedule and leading a group.  A situation like that takes its toll on everything!

I had been visiting a church fairly regularly but had not joined, nor had I made a real effort to even get to know anyone or become very involved.  I would reason with myself that I’m involved with two Bible studies that take time.  I read my Bible every morning.  I pray.  I blog.  And I was tired from the stress of the fallout of the attempted suicide.  So I missed a few Sundays.  Who cares?  God knew I was in the Bible every other day of the week, is it really necessary to be in church every week?  Sometimes, we have things to do!  But then I missed a few more.  Next thing I know, it had been months.

After some evaluation at the end of last year, I came to the realization that one of my greatest weekly needs was church, and that I floundered spiritually without it.  Let me explain how I came to that…

In Acts 11, we see Saul preach for an entire year at the church in Antioch.  The Greek word, ekklesia, is used for church, which meant an assembly of people.  In 1 Timothy, we see Paul writing to Timothy encouraging him to public reading of the scripture, to exhort and teach.  People were gathering at that local church.  It was important to be among like-minded Christians to learn about Jesus.  I was missing the larger picture of that by not going to church.

Praise is important.  In Colossians 3:16, Paul reminds us to let the word of Christ dwell in us richly, teaching and admonishing each other, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs.  He said each other, not by yourself.  As everyone lifts their voices together in praise it reminds me of the moments in the Bible where we see the angels singing, praising our Heavenly Father.  It brings glory to the Lord.  I missed the chorus of voices that praised the Lord with me.

The biggest reason, however, that I’ve felt the need to be back in church is for the community that comes with belonging to a congregation. 

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. –Hebrews 10:24-25

We are told to love on each other, meet each other and encourage each other.  I felt the absence of this more than ever during that season of my life last year.  My friends and my family were wonderful in my time of need.  But there is something about having a church behind you, praying for you, and seeing to your needs.  It’s the hands and feet of Christ serving for God in a way that only a church can do.  It’s powerful.  It’s humbling.  It’s encouraging.  It’s comforting.

After having attended church my whole life, this last year was the longest I’ve ever been out of church.  And the absence of it reminded me of just how much church is necessary.  This Sunday, I plan to go forward and join my church.    

Maybe you haven’t found your church.  Maybe you’re afraid to go.  Maybe you’re afraid to sit alone in a pew (I know it can be scary sometimes).  Let this week be the week you decide to find your church. If you’re looking, Iron Porch would be happy to give you some recommendations of some good churches in the area.  And you’re always welcome to join me at First Baptist in Tallassee….it’s my new home.

~Erin

A Look at Suicide: Knowing ’22 a Day’ isn’t just a Catch Phrase

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4 (NIV)

In the last two years, suicide has been skirting the edges of my circle more than ever.  A friend of a friend recently had suicidal ideations.  I’ve been hearing small group prayer requests for those close to someone who is expressing suicidal thoughts.  A friend’s daughter was involuntarily admitted for a suicide attempt. A High School classmate and the brother of another friend committed suicide.  Messages from senior leaders in the military remind us to keep tabs on each other in light of the news or anniversaries.  “22 a day” has become a mantra of the military and veteran affairs, as we now know that the statistics are showing 22 veterans commit suicide each day. As in, every single day, we lose 22 Americans to suicide who had previously served in the military.

Is suicide more prevalent than it has been before? Or is it just touching my circle more closely in recent years?  Frankly, it doesn’t matter if it’s more prevalent or just touching my circle more.  The reality is that it’s there.  It’s impacting those around me.  And it’s impacting me.

How can I help those around me or myself?  I can send cards or flowers…I can call on my connections for airline hook-ups…I can make dinner for a family.  I can be there. I can call. I can pray. But it doesn’t feel like enough.  

The academic historian in me often turns to research in times of turmoil to distract myself.  Over the last few months of increased suicide in my circle, I’ve been turning to research suicide in the Bible.

As far as I can tell, there are examples of five confirmed people committing suicide in the Bible, as well as two other examples that could be arguably suicide:

Confirmed Suicide:

1. Zimri (1 Kings 16:18): by fire

2. Judas (Matthew 27:3-5): by hanging

3. Ahithophel (2 Samuel 17:23): by hanging

4. Saul (1 Samuel 31:4-5 & 1 Chronicles 10:4-5): by sword

5. Saul’s Armor bearer (1 Samuel 31:5 & 1 Chronicles 10:4-5): by sword

Possible Suicide:

6. Abimelch (Judges 9:53-54): by armor bearer’s sword.  In this example, Abimelch’s head had been crushed by a stone thrown by a woman.  Instead of facing the humiliation of being killed by a woman, he requested that his armor bearer kill him with a sword.  Some will argue it wasn’t suicide, as he was already dying and had another finish the job.  Still, others claim it was suicide because of his motive and intent to end his own life. 

7. Samson (Judges 16:30): by crushing himself and others. In this scenario, motive becomes the contentious argument for the reasons for death.  Some will argue that Samson’s sense of revenge leading to the death supports suicidal ideation, while others will agree that this was a sacrificial death rather than an intentional suicide. 

Regardless of the number of suicide examples in the Bible, there are real-life suicides happening all around us.  Laurence Binyon wrote a poem in 1914 that says “The mourners leave, the mourned remain…” What a sad statement about what happens at the end of a funeral. 

If it’s a family member, a high school friend, an acquaintance through a small group, or a military member (one of the 22 a day)…any of those hurt our hearts.   Instead of having to privately mourn those who choose suicide, let’s start to brainstorm ideas of how we can support those going through these scenarios.  Prayer is most important, but so is the care & feeding of the families who are walking through this season. 

If you find yourself needing help call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org

~Emily

Self-Denying or Self-Indulgent

We live in a world today that is all about the ‘ME.’  TikToks and IG posts are filled with “Top 20 Amazon Finds under $20” and the next “State of the Art Cookware.”  You simply must have the biggest TV to watch the Superbowl, and everyone must know about it.  I’m guilty of telling my husband I want the $1000 cookware that Gordon Ramsay swears by.  (Don’t worry, my husband gives me the same look you’re giving the screen as you read this!) Do I need it?  No.  But it’s so cool and the chefs use it.  It’s alright…you can roll your eyes at me!  We also often see talk of self-care and taking care of our own needs first.

Here, however, is where I out myself and possibly step on some toes in the process.  I can tell you the last time I went out for dinner but I can’t tell you the last time I gave to Missions at my church—at ANY church in the last 3 years.  Ask me about the last time I assisted a homeless person or prayed with one, yet I’ve made sure to cover myself in prayer when I had some shoulder pain.  Let’s look past monetary needs…when’s the last time I stopped myself from speaking negatively to my husband so I could have the last word and instead prayed silently for his relationship with Christ in that moment. I could go on forever.

The point here is, are we living a self-denying lifestyle or are we living a self-indulgent lifestyle?

We see a couple of examples in the Bible of people who chose a self-denying lifestyle.  Daniel declined to participate in the food and drink that King Nebuchadnezzar required of him.  He made a decision that he wouldn’t defile his body in things that God had said “No” to in order to please and honor Him.

We know the Jews told John the Baptist that he must’ve had a demon because he came fasting and refused to drink wine.  He chose to deny himself.  We see Paul talking multiple times about denying ourselves.  In fact, Paul wrote one of the most beautiful verses in Galatians 2:20.

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which now I live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

Are we living like this?  Are we recognizing that the Holy Spirit lives in us as believers and that our lives are not our own anymore?  We were bought with a price.  That price was the blood of the Lamb.  It shouldn’t be asking too much for me to stop indulging this world, instead denying ‘self’ and giving myself to serve God.

I pray that this week we recognize where our indulgences are.  The challenge I’m throwing out there is to begin denying self and start honoring God.

~Erin

Selfish Ambitions

I recently was given an opportunity to attend six college classes related to my museum-related career.  This opportunity includes not only attending the courses but a portion of the coursework would be financed.  It would only cost my family about 50% of the original price.  The coursework would culminate with a Master of Art in Museum Administration degree.  I’d love to do it!

The catch?  I have to apply within the next two weeks, as courses start at the beginning of March. That’s okay…I’d love to do it!

As a lifelong learner, this is right up my alley. I love school and learning.  As a historian, this thrills me to learn more about how to showcase history.  And a discount?  That is the icing on the cake.  For sure…I’d love to do it!

But do I need the extra degree? Should I take the discounted classes, when someone else could possibly utilize the scholarship?  I already have a terminal degree. I’m already employed in museum work.  This degree won’t help me get promoted.  And frankly, without the discount had I even been considering another degree?   Yes, but…I’d love to do it!

More than the career implications, I want to consider what God has to say about ambition.  Was I being selfish in considering my application? 

James 3:14-18 (NIV) states, “But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such wisdom does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.   But the wisdom that comes from heaven is, first of all, pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.”

The two-week deadline is what I initially struggled with.  I wanted time to pray about it and fully analyze the financial and time commitment that it meant for my family.  There’s nothing about selfish ambition that I want to be a part of.  It sounds horrible.  Even in my career, I want my ambitions to be God driven…God approved. 

Rather than jump the gun in selfish ambition, I’ve decided to wait. I’m changing that heartfelt desire to do this coursework to I’d love to do it…when it’s God’s timing for my career and my family’s schedule!

I pray that the Lord unveils any selfish ambitions in your own life!

~Emily

Expecting an Answer

I was reading about the four men who lowered their friend through the roof down to Jesus in Mark 2 this week during church.  It’s the story of the paralyzed man who was healed.  These people brought their friend who couldn’t walk to be healed, and upon getting there, couldn’t get into the room where Jesus was speaking.  Verse 4 tells us that when they couldn’t get through, they went up to the roof, cut a hole in the ceiling and lowered him down to see Jesus.

Mark 2:5 says, “And Jesus, seeing their faith, said to the paralyzed man, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven.’”

I don’t know how this feels to you, but this whole story screams of courage.  More importantly it took faith, a tremendous amount of faith.  They had an air of expectancy when they walked up to that house.  They didn’t come hoping Jesus would heal their friend.  They EXPECTED that Jesus would heal their friend.  They believed that Jesus being who He is would heal the man.  And in that day, not only did Jesus forgive the man of his sins and heal him spiritually, He told him to pick up his pallet and go home (vs. 11) and healed him physically.

Do we have that same expectancy when we come to Jesus with our petitions?  I know there are times when I wish His answers were as clear as the answer given to the paralyzed man.  But I also recognize that I need to come to Him with an expectation that He WILL answer my petition…in the way that most brings Him the glory. 

I think that coming to him with the expectation that there will be an answer allows me to be content with whatever the answer is.  Think about those 4 friends and Jesus’s immediate answer to the paralyzed man.  The initial answer wasn’t that he could walk.  He DID, however, give him an answer that still healed.

I pray, Iron Porch, that as we come to the throne of God with our petitions, seeking Christ, that we have that same air of expectancy of an answer.  Because the answer He gives will be the right answer for you.

~Erin

Tornadoes of Life

From my sliding glass door, I once watched a tornado form and touch down.  That was in Cheyenne, WY.  It wasn’t until I bought a house with my husband in Alabama that I was actually within a polygon for a tornado watch or warning.  And now…I’ve been in more than I can count.  It wasn’t until we settled into retirement in central Alabama that we found out this area is called “Dixie Alley,” as a parallel to “Tornado Alley” in the mid-west. 

In the last week, countless communities and lives have been impacted by a string of tornadoes that powered through Alabama.  The day of the storms was a tidal wave of emotions.  At first, very little concern over the weather.  Then I rush home to pick up outdoor furniture before deciding to go check my son out of school early.  While waiting in a mile-long line of parents picking up their own children early, we learned that a huge tornado had already touched down in Selma.  And we learned that the same supercell was heading toward the communities around us. 

It was a rare moment where I spontaneously began praying out loud while in line (although it was under my breath and not very “out loud”).  I prayed for protection over our small town that has already endured so many tragedies over the last year, but specifically, I was praying for the communities that had already been hit.  I had full confidence that the Lord heard these prayers.  Why?  Because in John 14:13-14 (ESV) we read, “Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.  If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.”

Do you want to know what was more touching than my simple prayers in line?  The response to those who were in need.  Within hours, massive clothing and food drives were organized. Teams of chainsaw-welding men patrolled neighborhoods.  Linemen from in and out of state restored power to all the homes of Alabama.  Social media sprung to life trying to connect photographs tossed miles from home to families. 

Why was there such an intense outpouring of love and response in the moments after these tornadoes touched down?  In some cases, it may be out of kindness or because you would hope that someone would do the same for you. 

For the Christian, it may be because Jesus told us to.  In John 15:12-13 (ESV) Jesus said, “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”   Jesus demonstrated an extravagant love for people.  While we can’t literally lay down our lives for others in daily life, we can choose to love extravagantly in smaller ways.  For instance, we can donate to those who need tangible items after losing everything in a natural disaster. 

God told us in Galatians 6:2, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.”  This means that we do not have to do life alone and that we should be trying to assist one another in burdens and tragedies.  When we see others struggling, we can choose to help with our support, our love, our finances, and any other resources that we may have.  This is a physical outpouring of the love Christ shows us and we in turn can show others.

In the midst of a natural disaster that doesn’t directly impact your home, it’s easy to praise God for sparing you and yours.  However, Hebrews 13:16 reminds us “And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.”  This is a practical reminder to continuously look for ways to impact others with blessings.

The tornadoes that ripped through Alabama last week were devastating.  Yet, it’s been refreshing to watch how much love and care is being shown to the families who lost loved ones and those who are having to rebuild their homes and businesses.  The reality is this: we should react this way during a disaster.  But we should also react this way daily…even when it isn’t tragedy. 

I truly pray that we can act this way towards one another during a crisis and during the calm. 

~Emily

What is the Goal?

Have you ever thought about how easy it is to live in this world?  I’m talking from a Biblical viewpoint.  Because Satan’s domain is the earth and we have free will, our human nature automatically wants to jump to the easy things, the selfish things, the busy things, and the “fun” things.  Satan and his demons make the world look so enticing.  They also make things other than God seem like a priority.

I’ve thought about this a lot lately, especially in light of the message Pastor Trey preached on Sunday.  He was reading from 2 Peter 1:3-8, and he touched on the fact that godliness is our goal.  He certainly wasn’t saying we are in some way little gods.  But, per scripture, we are meant to live a godly life always pursuing righteousness.  By consistently pursuing righteousness, we gain greater Christian/Biblical perspective that enhance our relationship with Him and keep us from being ineffective in our work for the Lord.

He tells us in Romans 12:2 not to be conformed to the world.  We instead are to be transformed by the renewal of our mind (on Christ) so that we can know what the will of God is.  When we live IN the world, we lose sight of what our goals are in Christ.  We forget that faith is key.  Goodness is key.  Perseverance is key.  Self-control is key.  The list goes in. 

And lest I fool myself into thinking this doesn’t apply to me because I read my bible every day and write a blog, I remind myself of the times I was too busy to honor Him in reading the Word.  I remind myself of the times I could’ve volunteered at the local food pantry and instead chose to sleep in on Saturday morning.  I remind myself of the times I read the Bible and then got on the phone with a friend and said mean things about a co-worker.

It applies to all of us.  Our focus should always be on God.  With that comes remembering that we are not to be in the world.  When we remember that our pursuit should be on godliness, we can drown out our own sinful will and pursue one goal…our Heavenly Father.

~Erin