Category: Relationships

I Hate You & Other Valentine’s Declarations

In the middle of a heated argument that had frankly gone way too far, I said, “I hate you!”  That phrase stopped us both in our tracks.  Literally pumped the breaks on the fight. 

A couple of slow blinks and my husband said, “do you mean that?”

Stuttering and blinking back tears I said, “No, of course, I don’t mean that…I’m just so frustrated and angry…I’m not even sure why I would even say that to you…I am sorry…I shouldn’t have said it.” 

As Christian women, we’re quick to remind ourselves about being a Proverbs 31 woman.  That woman is faithful and expresses reverence towards her husband.  She’s strong, charitable, well-rounded, cares for her family, and fears the Lord.  That woman does not actively argue in anger with her husband.

Often I think we focus solely on the Proverbs 31 woman and we forget the example in Chapter 2 of Titus.  The Titus 2 woman is also a reverent, self-controlled gal who is submissive to her husband.  She also trains young women and is a teacher of good things.  She is specifically not slanderous.  That woman does not tell her husband that she hates him.

My hate-filled declaration during an argument was neither an example of Proverbs 31 or Titus 2.  Here, I violated two separate examples that God has given us about how to behave within a marriage.  Yet, God gives us other examples of harnessing our anger.  In Ephesians 4:31 (NASB) scripture says, “All bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice.”

Why must anger and slander be removed from us?  Simply stated, it’s hard, if not impossible, to love as Christ did while harboring anger. 

Proverbs 10:12 (NASB) tells us, “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.”

Love covers all offenses.  Real ones and perceived ones.  During a marital spat, I need the reminder that I love this guy I’m married to.  He’s not my enemy, rather he’s my teammate and I should be treating him with the respect that is demanded in both Proverbs 31 and Titus 2. 

Obviously, this is specific to marriage, but it’s applicable to any relationship where we want to demonstrate the love of the Lord.  We would all be better if we could remember the lessons of releasing anger and approaching one another in love.

So on the Hallmark holiday of love, I’ll make the public declaration:

I love you, babe…thanks for putting up with me.

~Emily

Craving Watermelon

A few mornings ago, I announced to Erin that I wanted some juicy, super sweet, cold watermelon.  In fact, I used the phrase ‘craving watermelon.’ And trust me, it was a very random announcement in the middle of conversation that had nothing to do with food.

First, let me announce that it’s a random craving…and no, I’m not experiencing pregnancy hormones.  Second, it’s February…we’re pretty far away from anything even close to ‘watermelon season.’ Third, when I explained I wanted cold watermelon, I used the phrase “right out of the creek bed.”  Erin demanded an explanation as she laughed at me.  It was sparked by a childhood memory of my mom placing whole watermelons in a creek during our picnics to cool them off before we cut into them.

There is something about watermelon that sings ‘summer’ to me.  It’s the wonderful sight of juicy red fruit and the first inhale of its crisp promise of sweetness. 

However, it’s got one little problem. 

Actually, more than one problem…it’s dozens of problems.

Seeds.  Seeds are the problem.

We have to be careful when consuming watermelon to ensure that we aren’t swallowing large amounts of seeds.  It doesn’t matter if you believe it’s unhealthy or healthy to swallow them…the point is that the seeds can spoil the experience of eating a super sweet piece of fruit.

The same is true with Biblical teachings.  Some appear encouraging and true on the surface.  It’s what we want to hear…or it’s what we can accept at any given time in our lives.  Sometimes popular Christian authors aren’t actually who we should be reading…maybe there are people at church we shouldn’t be hanging out with…perhaps there’s Christian music we shouldn’t be listening to. 

The book of Acts provides us with an example of examining scriptures to see the truth of God’s word.  “Now these Jews were more noble than those in Thessalonica; they received the word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so.” ~Acts 17:11 (ESV)

All Biblical teachings should be compared to God’s Word.  All.  As in, the teachings of others, authors, musicians, and even the people we associate with.  All Biblical teachings should be compared to the Bible. 

If the teaching is true, ingest it. 

If the teaching is found to be false, spit it out…just like the watermelon seeds.

I pray this week that you can enjoy Biblical teachings with discernment to see what you should retain and reject.  And while I’m praying this, I’m still longing for the summer…with the promise of that first sweet bite of watermelon!

~Emily

Is Church Necessary?

Anyone who has read my blog posts for at least a year, knows the story of my youngest daughter who attempted suicide in the spring of last year.  I found myself out of whack with everything, really struggling to not be overwhelmed.  I was focused on working with her to feel better, dealing with the trauma of seeing her that way, and working on the family issues that ensued while still maintaining my work schedule and leading a group.  A situation like that takes its toll on everything!

I had been visiting a church fairly regularly but had not joined, nor had I made a real effort to even get to know anyone or become very involved.  I would reason with myself that I’m involved with two Bible studies that take time.  I read my Bible every morning.  I pray.  I blog.  And I was tired from the stress of the fallout of the attempted suicide.  So I missed a few Sundays.  Who cares?  God knew I was in the Bible every other day of the week, is it really necessary to be in church every week?  Sometimes, we have things to do!  But then I missed a few more.  Next thing I know, it had been months.

After some evaluation at the end of last year, I came to the realization that one of my greatest weekly needs was church, and that I floundered spiritually without it.  Let me explain how I came to that…

In Acts 11, we see Saul preach for an entire year at the church in Antioch.  The Greek word, ekklesia, is used for church, which meant an assembly of people.  In 1 Timothy, we see Paul writing to Timothy encouraging him to public reading of the scripture, to exhort and teach.  People were gathering at that local church.  It was important to be among like-minded Christians to learn about Jesus.  I was missing the larger picture of that by not going to church.

Praise is important.  In Colossians 3:16, Paul reminds us to let the word of Christ dwell in us richly, teaching and admonishing each other, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs.  He said each other, not by yourself.  As everyone lifts their voices together in praise it reminds me of the moments in the Bible where we see the angels singing, praising our Heavenly Father.  It brings glory to the Lord.  I missed the chorus of voices that praised the Lord with me.

The biggest reason, however, that I’ve felt the need to be back in church is for the community that comes with belonging to a congregation. 

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. –Hebrews 10:24-25

We are told to love on each other, meet each other and encourage each other.  I felt the absence of this more than ever during that season of my life last year.  My friends and my family were wonderful in my time of need.  But there is something about having a church behind you, praying for you, and seeing to your needs.  It’s the hands and feet of Christ serving for God in a way that only a church can do.  It’s powerful.  It’s humbling.  It’s encouraging.  It’s comforting.

After having attended church my whole life, this last year was the longest I’ve ever been out of church.  And the absence of it reminded me of just how much church is necessary.  This Sunday, I plan to go forward and join my church.    

Maybe you haven’t found your church.  Maybe you’re afraid to go.  Maybe you’re afraid to sit alone in a pew (I know it can be scary sometimes).  Let this week be the week you decide to find your church. If you’re looking, Iron Porch would be happy to give you some recommendations of some good churches in the area.  And you’re always welcome to join me at First Baptist in Tallassee….it’s my new home.

~Erin

Expecting an Answer

I was reading about the four men who lowered their friend through the roof down to Jesus in Mark 2 this week during church.  It’s the story of the paralyzed man who was healed.  These people brought their friend who couldn’t walk to be healed, and upon getting there, couldn’t get into the room where Jesus was speaking.  Verse 4 tells us that when they couldn’t get through, they went up to the roof, cut a hole in the ceiling and lowered him down to see Jesus.

Mark 2:5 says, “And Jesus, seeing their faith, said to the paralyzed man, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven.’”

I don’t know how this feels to you, but this whole story screams of courage.  More importantly it took faith, a tremendous amount of faith.  They had an air of expectancy when they walked up to that house.  They didn’t come hoping Jesus would heal their friend.  They EXPECTED that Jesus would heal their friend.  They believed that Jesus being who He is would heal the man.  And in that day, not only did Jesus forgive the man of his sins and heal him spiritually, He told him to pick up his pallet and go home (vs. 11) and healed him physically.

Do we have that same expectancy when we come to Jesus with our petitions?  I know there are times when I wish His answers were as clear as the answer given to the paralyzed man.  But I also recognize that I need to come to Him with an expectation that He WILL answer my petition…in the way that most brings Him the glory. 

I think that coming to him with the expectation that there will be an answer allows me to be content with whatever the answer is.  Think about those 4 friends and Jesus’s immediate answer to the paralyzed man.  The initial answer wasn’t that he could walk.  He DID, however, give him an answer that still healed.

I pray, Iron Porch, that as we come to the throne of God with our petitions, seeking Christ, that we have that same air of expectancy of an answer.  Because the answer He gives will be the right answer for you.

~Erin

Become Forgettable

In the New Testament, there are five mentions of a man that you may be unfamiliar with.  I wasn’t familiar with him.  Honestly, I had read his name often but did not recognize his significance.  He’s mentioned in Acts 20:4, Ephesians 6:21, Colossians 4:7, 2 Timothy 4:12, and Titus 3:12. 

His name was Tychicus. 

And he’s quite forgettable within all the narrative of the New Testament. 

He appears near the end of Paul’s mission work in Ephesus.  He had been selected to deliver several letters for Paul.  He was with the former runaway slave, Onesimus, when he converted and went to Colossae.  Could he have witnessed the riots that started with Demetrious the silversmith whose business was impacted by Paul’s sermons on idol worship? Possible. Could he have been Paul’s scribe for some of the letters in the New Testament?  Possible.  Could he have been trusted to deliver more letters than we know? Also, possible. 

Throughout the second half of Paul’s ministry, Tychicus was likely present for nearly every significant event.  Yet, he was in the background.  He became forgettable.

We live in a society that demands we are remembered.  Social media imprints, how we dress, High School reunions, our speeches and volunteer work, board meetings, medals and decorations with a few promotions thrown in…all ways where we strive to be remembered.  We are seeing the creation of “mini-celebrities” in an effort for all of us to be remembered in some capacity.

Even within the church. 

Some leadership structures allow Pastors to have celebrity status.  Others create titles for ministry leaders that lead to elevation of status.  Social media platforms embellish ministry work or community impacts.  Slowly, we become enamored with our own voice and status and forget about the voice of the One we should be most reliant on. 

Yet, the church needs more servants like Tychicus.  Ones who want the Gospel known but don’t care if they ever are.  The ones who do seemingly tedious work in order to advance the Kingdom, but aren’t seeking their own recognition.

This week I’ll be praying that each of us can be more like Tychicus…that we become forgettable.

~Emily

Fearing Persecution

I live in Bible country.  You’ll find a large majority of people in my area who go to church regularly, memorized scripture as far back as they can remember, or who talk about Jesus without a second thought.  Around here, it’s pretty easy to speak about God or tell someone that you’re praying for them.

But what about in other areas?  What about in the places you aren’t familiar with?  What about the bigger cities or businesses you frequent?  What about your jobsite?  Would you have the same confidence that the people you are surrounded by are unfazed or irritated that you would bring up Jesus?

We see more and more these days, Christians having to defend what they say and how they believe.  Often, we’ll hold our tongues in certain situations because we aren’t familiar with the surrounding audience.

But friends, we’re told that persecution and trials will happen!  We know that some will mock us for our beliefs.  You may receive harassment for your feelings on sensitive topics.  Dare I say some of us could lose friends for standing on the Rock of our Salvation.   The Bible tells us those who willingly accept it are blessed for going through it! 

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.” –James 1:2-4

“If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of Glory and of God rests on you.” –1 Peter 4:14

“That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.” –2 Corinthians 12:10

We should be proud of the fact that our home is in heaven!  I saw a wonderful testament to this just this week.

Most of you have seen the NFL football game on Monday that resulted in the Buffalo Bills’ player, Damar Hamlin, going into cardiac arrest.  As they worked on him at the 50-yard-line, people were stunned, crowds quiet, many of the players and crew taking a knee as they waited to see if he would be ok. 

The following morning during a broadcast, Dan Orlovsky, an ESPN commentator, was speaking about what happened to Damar. 

Now hear me when I say, I know nothing about this man.  I’ve only read he’s an “outspoken Christian.”  I don’t know what his faith-walk looks like and I don’t know what skeletons are in his closet.  What I do know is that he courageously said on national TV that even though he didn’t know if it was the right thing to do, he wanted to pray for him right then with eyes closed and head bowed.  And he did. 

That.  Takes.  Guts.

Would we do the same?

I’m encouraged, Iron Porch!  Those that know me, know that I would talk to a door if it would talk back.  However, I want to be so fearless that I would stand WHEREVER and proclaim that I will pray to our Jehovah-Rapha, The God who Heals.  I want to be unashamed to talk to anyone about Jesus without fear of persecution because I know that persecution brings glory to our Father.

I’m asking you, dear friends…let’s stand strong in our faith, proclaiming to all the goodness and mercy of God that everyone might know who He is!

~Erin

Roman gods and the Changing of the Calendar

Time for a history lesson.

Did you know that the month of January is named after the Roman god Janus.  Janus was a god with two faces.  One face is filled with sadness and seems to look backwards.  The other face is filled with hope as it looks forward.  It becomes the two faces of the New Year…one that looks back at the previous year and one that looks forward to the new year. 

At what point in the year does that hope-filled face realize that it’s the sad face of despair again?  For me a couple weeks into January, I realize any concept of resolutions aren’t important and/or aren’t going to come into fruition.  Perhaps the hope filled face starts to slip a bit by the end of the first month of the year.

As believers, we can be assured that our hope doesn’t have to tie to the flipping of the calendar page to indicate a New Year.  Our God is the same “yesterday, and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).  God is over our past, our present and our future. He’s not just there on the 31st of December as we make promises to ourselves about how much better the next year will be.

And if that’s true, well then…it doesn’t matter what the date is on the calendar.  It truly doesn’t matter which way the face is turned…the reality is that there is hope in our face of happiness and sadness.  It’s the hope of a future with Jesus. 

One of the greatest promises we can read in the Bible is when God promises that He will never leave us or forsake us in Hebrews 13:5. This promise stands year-round, year after year.

Read that again…a promise that stands year-round.  Every year.

Our God is an awesome God who provides for us through trials and tribulations.  And He provides for us through triumph and victory.  It does not matter what we are going through, He will be with us. It does not matter if we are happy or sad, He will be with us.  It simply does not matter what season of life we are in, He will be with us.


There’s no need for us to subscribe to the Roman god’s concept of having two faces for our year…we have the one true God to rely on.  I pray you know this now and every day of 2023. 

Happy New Year!

~Emily

A Heavy Christmas

My heart hurts right now for the people who are celebrating Christmas during a tough time.  I’m thinking about the family that’s saying an earthly goodbye to a mom.  I think about the parents holding their son’s hand as he fights for his life in a hospital room.  I think about the mom who’s spending her first Christmas without her son and the widow who’s now alone at Christmas.

How do you comfort someone on what feels like a joyous time of year when the human struggle inside reminds them of the pain and/or worry they feel?  What do you say that doesn’t sound insincere or inadequate? 

I’ve been struggling this week to find the balance for my blog post because of this.  I wanted to write to you, Iron Porch, and talk about what the spirit of Christmas means.  But when I sit down to write, I keep coming back to people who are suffering during Christmas and how much it just might hurt to see everyone so joyful and happy when the days, to you, seem to drag out or maybe even in the opposite direction, are going too quickly.  I guess this is my attempt to find the balance…

Humanity messed up the idea of a sinless life.  Because of that, God knew we needed a Savior.  And He went big.  It was foretold in Isaiah 9:6 (NASB), “For a Child will be born to us, a Son will be given to us; and the government will rest on His shoulders; and His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace.”

God knew we needed a sacrifice to cover our sins, a truly spotless Lamb.  So He sent His perfect Son.  It was the gift of all gifts.  A gift we didn’t deserve.  A gift we still don’t.  And yet He so loved us that He sent Jesus down to earth to become that sacrifice.  Jesus gives us perfect answers even when we don’t understand.  He is just and merciful at the same time.  His love as a Father far surpasses that of any human father, and He will bring peace to this Earth once again.

Joseph was told in a dream what was happening.  “She will give birth to a Son; and you shall name Him Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.” –Matthew 1:21 (NASB)

He will save His people.  God sent His Son for you.  We celebrate Christmas because the Son of Man came into this world as a babe lying in a dirty manger, grew up, died on the cross, and rose again so that we could accept the free gift of salvation as believers. 

Being believers, we know that the Holy Spirit dwells in us.  Jesus called Him the Comforter (KJV).  So here’s what I would say to the people I’m thinking about this week…

Because He dwells in us, He’s right there with you while you grieve.  He’s there as you celebrate.  He’s there as you mourn.  He will not abandon you.  He will sustain you.  

I’m praying for these families as I go through this week and celebrate the birth of Jesus.  I ask you to join me in prayer for them, as well, and for all families that may be going through a difficult Christmas season. 

I love you and Merry Christmas,

Erin

Destroying the Busy-Body

“Busy-Body” is a phrase with a negative connotation that describes someone who is nosy, meddling, and very interested in what other people are involved with.  Often these are the folks who have many tasks on the “to-do” list, they offer unsolicited advice and are known for trying to help in scenarios whether they are welcomed or not. 

This time of year seems to bring out more of these to-do list types of nosy people.  The Christmas Busy-Body.  People who want to counsel on grief during the holidays, or offer financial inputs on how much you may be spending on gifts…or worse, someone who just wants to know your business for no apparent reason.    

Think of the busiest of all the busy “busy-bodies” in your circle.  It could be someone in your family, someone at work, or even someone with whom you volunteer at church.  Maybe you are so lucky, you’ve only run into a busybody in a novel or on tv.  Consider just how much work that person does, how crazy full their calendar is, or just how much they strive to accomplish. 

It’s exhausting to think of just how busy these people are.

And yet, Satan is even busier.  He’s a true busybody.

He’s so quick to whisper lies in our ears.  He’s crafty at preventing people from seeking the Truth of Christ’s gift of salvation.  He gets people to subscribe to our progressive and permissive culture…both in and out of the church.  John 8:4 reminds us that Satan is “a liar and the father of lies.”

As believers, we know with our hearts that this particular busybody doesn’t get to win. Jesus came to destroy him while providing us a hope that can only come through knowing Christ.  1 John 3:8 states, “The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work.” Once we become believers, Satan does not have a claim over us…unless we become willing to listen to the lies, he tells us.  Thus, the work of the devil becomes null and void with the victory of Christ’s crucifixion. 

There is even more hope in knowing there will be the ultimate victory for Jesus’ followers.  Romans 16:20 promises us that victory.  “The God of peace will soon crush Satan under our feet.”

In the next week, I’d like to encourage you to pray about where Satan’s lies have come into your life.  Know that Jesus has disarmed the devil.  Believe that Jesus’ victory destroys the devil’s work in fear, lust, pride, hatred…and any other negative work he dapples with. 

We don’t need to have any more thoughts spent on the “captain of the busy-body club.”

~Emily

Thanksgiving Humble Pie

Several years ago at a Thanksgiving dinner, an extended family member said an unkind comment to me that I still remember each year as I reach for dessert.  A couple of months ago, I watched an eruption on social media over the dresses worn to the Homecoming dance.  Weeks before that, I’d seen outrage over a video that a football player posted.  In all three instances, there were comments from all parties that lead to apologies…in person and online.  And yet, we often know that apologies are helpful, but don’t always repair the hurt over some of those comments or judgments. 

Have you ever misspoken? Stepped out of line? Gotten caught gossiping or lying? Or worse sins?  Have you ever been confronted with your own sin-filled life…or have you ever confronted your own sin?  Have you ever had to delete a social media post?  Or a comment?

If so, you may have had a serving of humble pie.

According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, humble pie is a figurative serving of humiliation usually in the form of a forced submission, apology, or retraction. 

As a child, I didn’t understand it as an act of humiliation.  Rather, I saw the phrase as a means of making things right when I had made things wrong.  To me, “eating humble pie” was an act of becoming more humble through an apology. 

One of the areas that I struggle with being humble is on social media.  Like many others, I share all aspects of my life on social media. I try to not be braggadocios or prideful in my posts. I find myself most guarded in my responses where I strive to not be condescending. 

Solomon gives us guidance here, which encourages us to have a deep reading with thoughtfulness, rather than quick skimming and indignation in our responses.  Proverbs 29:20 states “Do you see the man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”  Solomon also advises that “the wise will inherit honor” (Proverbs 3:35), which lets us know that wisdom is honorable.  This includes not being quick to respond…for often the hasty response will be one that later requires apologies.

As I’ve meditated on being humble in my responses on social media, I’ve come to realize that a   humble character is showcased through social media…but it must be cultivated before social media.  No other time in human history has it been so easy to display pridefulness (through social media), but likewise, there is no other time in human history that it’s been so easy to display humbleness.  The more we understand humility and pride, the less often we must eat that humble pie.

Next week, let’s concentrate on how pride versus humility is displayed in our lives.  Try to pay attention to how it is exhibited in our daily lives…and on social media.

And please, please, please have a Happy Thanksgiving with a slice of delicious pie!

~Emily