Category: Relationships

Oh Beloved S’mores

For me, summer officially starts with an evening of family and friends gathered around the fire pit with sticks a-ready for toasting marshmallows. I’m happy to provide graham crackers and chocolate to go along with the marshmallows.  I’m even willing to “go gourmet” and get fancy with cookies, peanut butter cups, or york peppermint patties.  More than once, I’ve initiated a conversation about the toasting methods and preferences (for the record, Erin’s burning of marshmallows is wrong).

As you imagine that perfectly toasted, gooey mess, melting into a perfect square of chocolate placed onto a crispy vessel for eating…remember this; there is no polite way to eat a s’more.  You can’t delicately eat it with a pinky finger up expecting that the entire bite will go nicely into your mouth. No, indeed, you will make a mess.  On your mouth, on your fingers, and maybe even on your shirt.  You have to go all in so that you can enjoy the fullness of the s’mores experience.

Like eating a s’more, you have to go all in when following Christ. It’s all or nothing.  It’s all-encompassing for your life…and at times, it will get messy.  But the reward of being a Christ follower is worth it.  The closeness of a personal relationship with God will produce infinite benefits to your life, not to mention your assurances for eternity. 

We are to love as Christ loved, as dictated in John 13:34 (NIV), “A new command I give you; Love one another, as I have loved you, so you must love one another.”  

As we love others, our hands will get dirty.  In the world, human relationship is hard. It’s messy. So to show kindness to the homeless may require being dirty.  To tend to the ill or infirm, it may be distasteful.  Caring for widows or orphans may be hard and mentally taxing.  All types of love and service require us to get into the trenches and get dirty. 

When we get dirty when loving others, we are serving the Lord.  And He is pleased way more than we are when we get messy eating s’mores. 

Eat the s’mores.  Enjoy them.  Get messy.

But remember to love, serve, enjoy one another…and get messy being the hands and feet of Christ.

~Emily

Mother’s Day Wind Chimes

A few years ago, my son got me wind chimes for Mother’s Day.  It’s a big one that rings loud and clear with just a whisper of a breeze. 

I love these wind chimes.  First because my then 8-year-old picked them out.  Second, they instantly make the noise of the world disappear.  I could be sitting on my back porch and hear the distant barking of a neighbor’s dog, or someone mowing their lawn, or even an airplane flying high overhead.  But those chimes take the place of any other distracting noises.

The sweet sound of bells tinkling instantly centers me.  I love the music of chimes.  The noise of the backyard is gone in a moment. 

Our daily lives are filled with distractions and noise that grab our attention.  These things vie for our attention in our hearts and heads…which makes it easy for us to lose focus.  Lose focus on what?  On the things that are important: our families, our marriages…our God. 

It’s important that we have distraction-free time with God so that we can focus on prayer, fellowship, and mediation with our Heavenly Father.  It’s one-on-one time with the Lord, where we draw closer to Him.  It’s during that time that we are able to “hear” His voice.  And it’s at that distraction-free moment that we grow as disciples.  Psalm 119:15 (NASB) says, “I will meditate on your precepts and regard your ways.”

I’m guilty of “squeezing” God in when I have free moments.  For instance, I have a prayer board in my bathroom so that I can pray over requests while I get ready for the day.  The prayer time is good and deliberate.  But if I’m brushing my teeth or doing my make-up, it’s not prayer that is distraction-free. 

The bigger issues that distract us from God are ones we need to take note of.  These are typically heart issues, which will reveal what we love.  Martha experienced this revelation of her heart.

Martha was busy in the kitchen, preparing for her guests, while Jesus was teaching in her home.  Martha began complaining that her sister, Mary was not assisting with the preparations. In fact, Mary was sitting at Jesus’ feet listening to His lessons.

In response to Martha’s complaint, Jesus said, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary.  Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42.

Martha had been distracted from Jesus.  How had she been distracted? Her tasks? Her entertaining agenda? By the guests?  No…Jesus reveals that she’s distracted by her own anxiousness.  What was she anxious about?  Entertaining? Her guests’ comfort?  The temperature of the food? More than likely, she was most anxious about how everyone would think about her and her household if she was not successful at serving the guests.

Martha didn’t acknowledge her distraction…not until Jesus pointed it out to help her see the heart issue of her distraction.  She thought she was doing the right thing…but her values were not on point because of her distractions.  She was then able to shift her attention to what was more important…the Lord. 

In our distracted lives, in our busyness, we should be asking ourselves about what is truly distracting us from our relationship with God.  Are we choosing the “good portion” or something less?

I’m praying this week that we each find the peace that wind chimes bring me and that we each have an undistracted experience with God. 

Happy Mother’s Day.

~Emily

Family

Last weekend, Chris and I were lucky enough to spend it at Orange Beach with AHERO at their 5th Annual Warrior Hook-up Event.  AHERO connects veterans and first responders through outdoor activities as a means to heal from physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual wounds.  It was a weekend with over 40 veterans getting to know each other, sharing and healing. While neither of us have been in the service, we were fortunate enough to be part of the volunteer staff. 

When the weekend was over and Chris and I were driving home, we were at a loss for words on how to accurately describe what we experienced.  Over and over again, we saw camaraderie and friendships grow.  We saw people bonding over common themes and common service.  More than once, we heard people describe this weekend as spending it with “family.”  It didn’t matter that they weren’t actually related or that they’d only just met; they were joined together because of AHERO and their service to country.  By the end of the weekend, we were fortunate enough to say they were our family, too.

As believers, we are also part of a different family, God’s family.  The Bible gives us clear scripture that tells us who our Father is.

“But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name,” –John 1:12

“And I will be a Father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me,” says the Lord Almighty.” –2 Corinthians 6:18

“Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, ‘Abba!  Father!’”—Galatians 4:6

Whether your earthly family is right beside you every step of the way or has abandoned you long ago, when you accept Christ as your Savior and call on His name, you become part of the family of God.  You now have a Father who will never leave you.  You do not have to walk alone. 

Not only do you have a Heavenly Father who is there, you have your Christian brothers and sisters who are connected to you, as well.  As members of that family, we should be displaying God’s love to each other.  These men and women from the weekend’s events showed me what that looks like.  They encouraged, they pushed, they challenged, they supported, and they loved.   

Even though the weekend is now over and everyone is back at their homes around the country, we are still texting back and forth, checking on each other, and getting to know each other better.  I pray that each of you see you have family in the body of Christ.

If you don’t know what it means to have God as your Father, please reach out to me or Emily.  We’d love to talk to you about how you can become a part of the family of God!

~Erin 

5th Annual Warrior Hook-up at Orange Beach AHERO

Giving Up Titles

All of us have titles.  Professor. Mrs. Miss. Ms. Mom. Daughter. Sister. Friend. Ministry lead. Grandmother. Supervisor.  The list goes on and on.

Because I work on a military base at a military museum, I have two titles that cause confusion at work: Chief and Doctor. 

I’m a retired Chief Master Sergeant. In some circles, it is considered rare to see a female Chief.  Less than 8% of Americans have ever served in the military.  It’s less than 1.5% of female Americans who have served.  Within each branch of the service, the top 1% of the enlisted corps makes E-9…or in my case Chief Master Sergeant (aka Chief). I happened to retire after 25 years of active-duty service at the same location I now work as a civilian. As a result, some still call me Chief.

While I was near the end of my career in the military, I earned my Doctorate Degree.  It doesn’t matter if you are a Medical Doctor (MD), a Doctor of Philosophy (PhD), or a Doctor of Education (EdD), you’re referred to as “Doctor.”   I happen to have a civil service job, where I am routinely referred to as Doctor Shade.

I joke that I worked really hard to make Chief and I worked really hard to finish my doctoral degree.  However, I happen to really like the name my parents gave me: “Emily.”

And yet, I will give all those earthly titles up for the one title that my heart desires most. 

“Child of the One True King.”

I’ve found that when I disregard my titles, I think of myself more as a servant of God.  A servant does not try to glorify themselves or honor their own accomplishments, but they divert that glory and honor to their master.  In John 8:50, Jesus said, “And I seek not mine own glory.” Four verses later in John 8:54 He continued with, “…if I honor myself, my honor is nothing: it is my Father who honors me.”

We see the example of diverting attention to the master through the behavior of Jesus, who repeatedly was asked if he was the Messiah, and yet He continuously re-directed the conversation to the Father. 

Philippians 2:5 -11 (NASB) states, “Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, as He already existed in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but emptied Himself by taking the form of a bondservant and being born in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death: death on a cross. For this reason, also God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

This gives me pause on using my own titles.  Perhaps I should give them up…

The Bible is full of examples of others who don’t give themselves titles.  Moses doesn’t refer to himself as “Prophet Moses.”  We don’t see Samuel, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Jonah, or John the Baptist call themselves “Prophet.” Paul doesn’t refer to himself as “Apostle Paul.” 

When referring to myself with a title, am I elevating myself past “servant”?  Perhaps.  Maybe this is simply splitting hairs because we live in a society that uses titles to determine status.  However, I’ve truly given a lot of thought this week to my own titles…and how I can become more servant-like. 

What titles are you striving towards?  Which titles are you willing to give up?

~Emily

Rumor Management

Three days ago, a mass shooting happened in a town very close to where I live. 

Several children were killed.  Dozens were injured.  In a small Alabama town with a population of 3,000, not far from where my child goes to school.  In a town where I have friends living.  In a town where I’ve shopped in a cute little yarn shop. In a little town with a veteran-owned creamery that has amazing ice cream.  In the little town where some of my favorite Alabama hiking trails are located.

In a town that became the center of a rumor mill…overnight.

Rumors about who the shooter was…about how many shooters were involved.  Post the first photos and videos.  Who had been injured? How many? Did you know someone, who knew someone who had been murdered?  Which hospital was most frequently used? Rumors about why the press conferences weren’t happening…why was information being withheld or overshared?  

Isn’t it appalling and intriguing that we live in a society that encourages instant news…and all the better if you are the one with the news first.  It’s true of mass shootings, but it applies to everything.  Why do we want to be the first to share the news?  Did you hear about the new grocery store being built? So-and-so is sleeping with so-and-so.  The lady down the road caught her carport on fire.  Someone else got arrested.  Did you hear…

What would have happened if the disciples had been so quick to start gossiping and spreading the rumors? Imagine, if you will…the rumor-filled conversations that could have happened.

Did you hear what Judas had done?  He betrayed the Lord with a kiss! A kiss? Are you sure…that doesn’t seem right.  He was paid.  How much? Thirty silver coins…that’s it?!?!?!—that doesn’t seem like very much.  The Jewish Chief Priests paid him! Surely not.  Well, I heard that Pontius Pilate’s wife tried to get him to let Jesus go. Who did you hear that from?

But they didn’t have those conversations with one another or with others.  We see in the Gospels that they were more focused on their own journeys and interactions with Jesus.   An interesting observation here…if we focus on Jesus and our own business, we aren’t involved with rumors or gossiping. 

Scripture gives us plenty of examples:

David says to Saul, “Why do you listen to the words of men who say, ‘Behold, David is seeking to harm you’?”-1 Samuel 24:9 (NASB)

 “You shall not give a false report; do not join your hand with a wicked person to be a malicious witness.” -Exodus 23:1 (NASB)

“An evildoer listens to wicked lips; A liar pays attention to a destructive tongue.” -Proverbs 27:4 (NASB)

“Do not accept an accusation against an elder except on the basis of two or three witnesses.” -1 Timothy 5:19 (NASB)

There are plenty more…Proverbs 20:19, Leviticus 19:16, Proverbs 18:7-8, Proverbs 26: 20-21, Proverbs 11:12-13, Psalm 41:6, Romans 1:29

Why is there so much focus on rumor control within the scriptures?  God knows that rumors are dangerous.  Humans are distracted by them, therefore, Christians should not listen or spread rumors in order to attempt to stay focused on the Lord.  We should not entertain rumors or gossip in any capacity.  To the best of our ability, we should allow rumors to stop at our ears.  We should attempt to not internalize them, and we should certainly not start them or repeat them.

Like the disciples refraining from gossiping about Judas, we should also stop ourselves from being involved in the sharing of information that does more harm than good.  Our conversations shouldn’t be guesswork about the neighbor, lies about our co-workers, fabrications about our classmates, or any generalized gossip and rumor. 

In the case of a mass shooting, we should remember to keep our conversations God-centered, truth-focused, and sensitive to the families and victims of the tragedy. 

While we are praying for each of us to watch our tongues this week, please join us on the Iron Porch in praying for the community of Dadeville, Alabama, and the people impacted by the events of Saturday night.

~Emily

One Year of Grief

Last week would have been my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary.  They had just celebrated 49 when my Dad died one month later.  They missed 50 by a mere 11 months. 

My Mom has been quite stoic during this first year of grieving her husband.  In the last eleven months, she’s made it through her birthday, his birthday, their children’s birthdays, the 4th of July, Thanksgiving, and Christmas by herself.  She’s made it through the 1st Sunday sitting alone at church, the first neighborhood BBQ, and the first house repair without him.  For the first time in her life, she figured out how to change the bulb in the fridge and how to set a mouse trap. 

She’s been quiet about her grief. 

Until the wedding anniversary date.  She was very vocal about not wanting to be home by herself to “mope around” all day crying and missing him.  She made plans to meet the ladies from her church for lunch and shopping to fill the day with outings.

And then a sickness went through the church that left her without plans for the anniversary date.

She watched their favorite movies.  She poured through their wedding album.  She made his favorite dessert…then ate it all!  She got flowers from her kids.  And she spent time in the Word.  Later she said that it was the best day of memories…and that God had a much better plan for her day than she had scheduled.  Psalm 34:18 says that The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

Loss is part of our human experience, but that does not make it any easier to deal with.  Death takes its toll on those left behind and occasionally it feels as though the grieving process is never-ending.  Yet, scripture offers us comfort, guidance, and hope. 

Comfort:

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”  Matthew 5:4

Guidance:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Hope:

“Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die.  Do you believe this?” John 11:25-26

My Mom isn’t the only one walking through grief.  I recognize that thousands of people deal with the grieving process daily.  Last week was the first time that I recognized how much scripture and the Word of God can change the tide of a day.  My Mom, who had been anticipating a sad day of mourning, instead had a joyful day of memories.  God offers comfort, guidance, and hope. 

God is good.

~Emily

One Year Later-Letting Go

It’s through a much different lens that I see Peyton now.  Just a year ago, her dad and I hugged her goodbye as she started her brief inpatient stay on the adolescent psychiatric ward for a suicide attempt.  She had failed in an overdose, and she needed help that we couldn’t give her.

It’s been a long road of therapy appointments, medication management, and the battle of wills as our family settled into a different kind of normal that now presented itself.  After she came home, my days typically ended with me wondering if I’d hovered too much or didn’t hover enough.  I questioned whether I gave her too much freedom that day or not as much as she needed.  Did I hug her the right number of times?  Did she remember that I loved her?  Did she still have thoughts of suicide?

Every day was an endless list of questions in my head.  And to be honest, it was probably an endless list of questions in Peyton’s head, too.  But she was using new skills to tell us when she was struggling and utilizing coping techniques when she became anxious. 

She was working hard to fix herself on her own and has made several adult choices along the way to include moving out and making her own decisions without the confines of parental rules and regulations.  She’s not going wild, so don’t fret about that!  

How does that look for a mom and a Christian? 

As a mom at first, it meant DEVASTATION!  I want to protect her at all cost.  I saw her in the most vulnerable position last year trying to choose death over life.  I want to guarantee the people she’s friends with are good and strong, loving and dependable.  I want to know she’s eating more than McDonald’s every day and that she’s taking her medication and attending her therapy.     

As a Christian mom, it meant DEVASTATION!  I want her to be in church.  I want her to turn her heart back to God and allow Him to help heal her.  I want her in her Bible and trusting that God hasn’t left her alone.  I want her to remember the joy of the Lord she had before!

But what about as a CHRISTIAN?  Let’s take away the emotion behind being this sweet girl’s mother.  The Lord tells me in Psalm 127:3a, “Behold children are a gift of the Lord.”  She is a gift to me, but the Lord gave her to me as a gift, so He sees and knows her worth.  She is not lost on Him.  He values her as the gift that she is.

Philippians 1:6 says, “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work among you will complete it by the day of Jesus Christ.”  He’s not done with her.  Just because Peyton chooses to try and “fix” herself doesn’t mean that He’s given up on her.  He’s not dumping her on the wayside because she believes she can do it on her own.  He began a good work in her and I’m am assured that it will be completed. 

When I take away the emotion and fear as a mother, I’m left with trusting a Savior to be there when I can’t.  I’m left with trusting a Holy Spirit to nudge her heart.  I’m left with trusting a Father to never leave her or forsake her.

And that’s tough.  Any mother, friend, aunt, grandparent, etc who’s been in this situation knows that God has given us a desire to protect our friends and loved ones in something like this.  But He’s also given us the tools to understand that it’s HIS job to take the burden, not ours.

So here I am….letting go.  I’m trusting God will do the job that I’m inadequate for.  She’s His child.  He loves her even more than I do. 

~Erin

Sin Permeates Everything

There was a point in my life where I talked myself out of guilt time and time again to soothe myself into believing what I was doing was ok.  My marriage of five years was on the rocks.  My husband was always working.  I stayed at home with the kids and we lived 40 minutes from town.  I was allowed to go have a little fun with my girlfriend once in a while, right?!  It was no big deal, and the lady I was hanging out with went to church so it was completely “fine.”

Except that it wasn’t.  The occasional Girls Night Out on a weekend turned into every week.  One drink turned into drunk at the bar.  I wasn’t getting the attention I felt I deserved at home, so what was the harm in smiling at another guy…or talking to one.  As long as I wasn’t being inappropriate, what was the problem?  Did you notice that I not only tried to soothe my guilt but I also redefined what was considered inappropriate?!  Oh what a web we weave.

Sin permeates everything.

My first mistake was stepping back from church.  Satan set the trap.  Then I stepped back from daily time with the Lord.  Satan began to manipulate.  Instead of being discerning in my friendships, I looked for someone that commiserated rather than edified.  From then on, I was hooked.  Sin took over it all.  Within a year, I wasn’t even talking to God, I was filing for divorce, I had stopped engaging with any of my faithful Christian friends, and I was always looking for the fun party of the weekend.  Sin had taken over my life.  It seeped into my marriage and my friendships.  It melted into my relationship with Jesus.  Even at a moment when I thought I MIGHT be able to salvage my marriage, sin had impregnated so much of my life, I let Satan have the hold on me and continued with the divorce.

Sin.  Permeates.  Everything.

When the Pharisees spoke to Jesus in John 8, they couldn’t understand what He meant about being free when they had not been slaves since the time of Moses.  Jesus responded to them in John 8:34, “…Truly, truly I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin.” 

Sin makes you a slave.  It made me a slave to the world.  It made me a slave to the culture.  It made me a slave to Satan.  But God…

Thank you to the one true God who has infinite grace and mercy on a sinner like me!  When I repented of that sin and turned from it, I was released from it.  God didn’t see the jerk that I had been.  Now, He saw the remorseful Christian woman who surrendered it at His feet.

Maybe you’re recognizing just now that sin permeates it all.  Perhaps you think you’ve gone too far to have God forgive.  I’m here to tell you that that it’s not possible.  He seeks you even today.  No sin is too great.  No thought is too much.  No distance is too far.  He is right there waiting to forgive and welcome you back into the fold.  Sin doesn’t have to continue to seep into everything.  The Lord can take it over and turn into a beautiful work for His glory.

~Erin

The Welcome Mat

I recently saw an ad for a mat that said, “Delivery person: Were Rachel and Ross on a break?” 

Yes, with an arrow to the right.

No, with an arrow to the left. 

Of course, there was a doorbell video of the subsequent deliveries being placed on the right or the left of the mat. 

As a ‘Friends’ fan, I found it humorous.

A welcome mat on the front porch often gives insight into the character of the people who live there.  In most cases, it’s a reflection of their personality.  I’ve seen “wipe your paws” or “Welcome” or the homeowner’s last name.  My current welcome mat simply has a bee on it. 

What is the purpose of the welcome mat?  To simply wipe your feet before entering the home?  Or is it more complex?  Perhaps it’s the true welcoming gesture into someone’s home and their life. 

Inside those homes, we often find lonely women who are completing the mundane chores of life. Folding laundry, kissing boo-boos, making dinner, paying bills, and raising children.  They could be single or married.  Mothers or Grandmothers.  Career-focused or school-focused.  All walks of life and all ages of women…who may be lonely despite their welcome mat at the front door.

The psalmist tells us “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.” ~Psalm 25:16

How can we combat the loneliness we see in ourselves and in other women?  We can dust off our own welcome mat and invite others into our space.  Who cares if you have toys on the floor or unfolded laundry on top of the dining room table?  Let those who are lonely see that they aren’t alone…and that we can stop pressuring ourselves and others to feel as though they must present a perfected picture of their home. 

As women, we don’t typically need to see perfection.  Rather, we’d like to see genuineness.  And in that genuine interaction, we see the ‘realness’ of one another.  We aren’t waiting to judge…we simply waiting to be invited in.

Perhaps the world needs more welcome mats. 

Even if they make a joke about Rachel and Ross being on a break…

~Emily

The Joy in the Lord

For the last couple of years since I moved to Alabama, Emily and I have participated in a Thrift Store Birthday Challenge.  We choose a theme several months ahead of time for each birthday.  We have a $30 budget, and one is responsible for putting together an outfit for the other around the theme.  Then we go out to dinner and celebrate.

Last Friday, we celebrated Emily’s birthday.  The theme, you ask?  Formal wear!  I managed to find the most amazing dress for her that capped out my budget!  She found a beautiful ensemble for me that looked like I was partly trying too hard and partly just a little blind.  We ended up at Coaches Corner in Wetumpka, and several of our friends decided to join us for the festivities.  There were so many people who came up to us and wanted to know what we were doing.  Pictures were taken, and overwhelmingly, the comment made to us was that we were so much fun!  Happiness and laughter was practically seeping from our pores!

Do people see that same kind of joy in us about Christ?  We are told that joy comes from the Lord and that we should rejoice in Him.  When we have the love of God in us, our spiritual cup should be overflowing with a happiness that only comes from the presence of the Spirit in our lives!

We’re told in Philippians 4:4, “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.”

1 Peter 1:9 says, “and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”

Though we do not see Him…our joy for the Lord should be so much it’s almost too strong to be described.  Our joy in the Lord should have people asking, “what do they have and how can I get it?!”  It should be so genuine that it points others to the Way, the Truth, and the Life!

I know that some, though, may be going through difficult times and having the joy of the Lord may seem a long way in the distance.  Pastor Trey said something tonight in our Wednesday night service that encouraged me.  “Trials lead us to a place of exaltation.”  Even when we’re simply enduring, we can be assured that God is with us and working in us to bring us through.  There is joy to be found in even that, dear sisters.

I pray that this week we are exhibiting the joy we have in the Lord!

~Erin