Category: Fear

All The Cursey Words

If there had been a swear jar in the room, I would’ve owed it a $10.  Maybe $20.  In a moment of anger, frustration, and worry, I said enough expletives to make a sailor cringe.  During a conversation with my daughter, I became angry and worried about a story she told me that involved her.  I was not cursing at her, but I definitely said some things about the situation and the other people involved.

Ironically enough, the week’s Bible study for Table 8 was on the taming of the tongue—not really what I wanted to think about in that moment.  In James 3:5-12, there is plenty of scripture that reminds us that the tongue, while such a little part of the body, carries a great weight.  What come from our heart flows out through the tongue. 

It’s so true.  In the moment, I felt anger, fury, irritation.  The words that came out were exactly those feelings.  At a time where I could’ve been an example to my daughter about being slow to anger or watching my words, I did exactly the opposite.  I simply showed her words with shock-value and no substance.  What exactly does an “F-bomb” bring to the table? You’re right…nothing.

Our words should bring glory to God.  They should show people who our Father is.  They should be edifying and spirit-lifting, without malice.  Yet, often we speak what we want without thought to who around us can hear, whether it be little ears or the Holy Spirit Himself.   

“Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” –Ephesians 4:29

How do we do that?  How do we strive to purify our speech?  We can’t do it on our own, friends.  We have to ask God to tame our tongue.  We need to ask Him to help control your tongue.  And then, Iron Porch, you lean in.  Lean into the God who saves and trust the Holy Spirit will continue to do a good work in you.  And fight….put on the armor of God that you might be prepared for your heart to stay strong and not allow vile speech to flow from it.

Praise God for forgiveness! I know that with my repentant heart, God has forgiven me for the sin of my speech in that situation.  Now, I must remember to guard my heart so that it may not tempt my tongue.

~Erin

Insignificant Me

Last Wednesday, I felt insignificant.  Cue the “oh whoa is me” Eeyore type of background music.  

There’s been countless times in my life when I’ve felt so insignificant.  Sometimes it’s been in relationship to nature. For instance, I’ve felt particularly insignificant standing in front of Niagara Falls, staring up the trunk of the Redwoods, or at the edge of the Grand Canyon. There are other times it’s been in relationship to others.  For instance, I distinctly remember being overlooked for selection on a team in 7th grade gym class or the feeling of insignificance while working at Labor & Delivery while struggling with my own infertility journey.  

Part of my reaction in feeling insignificant comes from not being grounded in the truth of just how significant I am to our God.  Our loving Father did not create us to have a feeling of insignificance when standing near His creation.  Nor did he intend for us to have negative feelings about ourselves through comparing ourselves to others.  

As I contemplated insignificance this week, I read Chapter 40 of the book of Job.  Interestingly enough, I’m really struggling with reading Job for my one-year Bible reading plan because it seems so “Debbie-Downer” in its wording.  

However, the Job reading today caught my attention pretty quickly. Job actually tells God exactly what I was feeling on Wednesday!

“Behold, I am insignificant; what can I say in response to You? I put my hand on my mouth.” ~Job 40:4 (NASB)

God’s response made me giggle, especially because I was reading a Christian Standard Bible at the time. “Get ready to answer me like a man; When I question you, you will inform me.” Job 40:7 (CSB)  For comparison, here is the NASB version of the same verse.   “Now tighten the belt on your waist like a man; I will ask you, and you instruct Me.” Job 40:7 (NASB)

Answer me like a man?  Tighten your belt like a man?  That’s God’s response to saying “I feel insignificant”?!?!?!  This simple phrase, which did make me laugh, is a strong reminder that expressing to God my feeling of insignificant could be seen as a child-like response.  He wants us to be mature in our relationship to Him and with that maturity comes acknowledgment and embracing the significance He has on His children.

Further down in verses 10-12, we see God go one step further in instructing us about that significance.  “Adorn yourself with pride and dignity, and clothe yourself with honor and majesty.  Let out your outbursts of anger, and look at everyone who is arrogant, and humble him. Look at everyone who is arrogant and humble him, and trample down the wicked where they stand.”  Job 40:10-12 (NASB)

Ladies, let’s take off the cloak of insignificance this week and remember that God has such plans for our lives.  He’s told us to adorn ourselves as significant with pride, dignity, honor, and majesty.  Now we just have to do it…

I’m praying for a week of significance for each of us!

~Emily

The Broken Shells

As Chris and I walked along the beach, we jut could not believe the amount of broken shells we saw lying around.  Thousands of pieces, shards of clams and oysters, conch and olive shells rolling up and down the shoreline were a sight to see.  I told Chris that I couldn’t remember the beaches in California having this many shells and he agreed.  As we walked down to the edge of a waterway, the entire bottom of the bed looked like a mass of jumbled gravel…it was more shells!

We spent close to an hour every day that we were there walking around and picking up the shells to take home for display.  As each of us selected one, we exclaimed to the other about what we’d found and would decide if we wanted to add it to our collection.  However, as we chose, I told Chris how sad it seemed to see so many little pieces of shells scattered about.  So many of them were broken into tiny pieces—pieces that no one wanted to pick up.

Sometimes, I feel that way about circumstances in my life.  With sadness and pain comes the pieces of my heart feeling as if it’s broken into hundred of shards.  They’re pieces so small that I’m sure they will never be put back together.   It’s the brokenness from a damaged relationship.  It’s the brokenness from a death.  It’s the brokenness from a sin that I so willingly committed.  Those pieces can never be brought back together to make me whole again.  But is that really true?

Those broken pieces can be loved and healed by God.  The bible tells us in Psalm 51:17, “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, God, You will not despise.”  Those pieces that are broken due to sin…when we come to Our Father with the fragments and a repentant heart, He can restore that beauty.

When we come to him with the shards of pain from a hurt or a devastation, He molds them in His hands to heal them.

“But now, O Lord, You are our Father; we are the clay, and You are our Potter; we are all the work of your hand.” –Isaiah 64:8

Thank you, Jehovah Rapha, for healing those broken pieces and putting us back together.  Without your loving touch, we cannot know what wholeness truly means.

I encourage you, dear friends, to lean into God and allow Him to take what’s broken and trust that He will make it whole.

~Erin

Brush Your Hair

(*I have been given permission to share this personal story in the hope that others might let go of the stigma behind mental health issues.)

My daughter, Peyton, texted me the other day begging to come home.  She didn’t want to be at school and felt overwhelmed.  Her depression was hitting a low and she was really struggling.  To make matters worse, she had been confiding in a friend about the struggle on the bus when another girl, overhearing, leaned over and made a comment that she’d noticed something was wrong because it looked like she hadn’t brushed her hair in a few days.  It felt like a gut punch.

I encouraged her to tough it out at least until lunch and if she was still struggling she could give me a call.  The call came as soon as lunch began.  She drove herself home and walked into my office.  I asked her if she was ok, and she broke down in tears, “I’m so tired of feeling like this, mom.  I just want to feel better.”  As I hugged her, I told her over and over again that she would get through this.  We would walk with her in this and that it was ok to feel like this right now.

The diagnosis doesn’t fall far from the tree.  I was diagnosed with depression in my 20’s and have worked through the same kinds of feelings for 20+ years.  I’ve learned that with medication and appropriate techniques, I can manage the symptoms and work through the ups and downs.  I’m not ashamed of it.  It’s just part of who I am.  But over the years, I’ve had to learn to figure out how to take those lows and channel them into leaning into my Creator.

More often than not, when I’m in the mire of an episode I’m not thinking, “Take this to God.”  I’m thinking how horrible this feeling is, how overwhelmed I am, how can I make this feeling go away.  I want to hole myself up in a dark room under the covers.  Sleep the day away.  

But none of those solutions are really solutions at all.  One of the first things I should be doing is calling out to my Protector and asking Him to cover me.  It’s something I’ve had to train myself to do.  It absolutely does NOT come naturally.  But when I purposely call attention to God, I allow myself permission to stop trying to control what I can’t control and give it to Him to take on.  Here are a few verses that help me when this happens.

“Answer me quickly, Lord, my spirit fails; do not hide Your face from me, or I will be the same as those who go down in the pit.  Let me hear Your faithfulness in the morning, for I trust in You; teach me the way in which I should walk; for to You I lift up my soul.  Save me, Lord, from my enemies; I take refuge in You.” –Psalm 143:7-9

“Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” –Matthew 11:28

“He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings you may take refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and wall.” –Psalm 91:4

When I pray on these verses and ask God to help me through the depression or anxiety, it allows me to recognize that my hope is in God, that He knows exactly what’s happening, and that He’s walking with me through it.  It doesn’t change the fact that I’m in the middle of a depression cycle.  But it changes who I rely on in that cycle—HIM!

I encourage you, dear friends, if you struggle with depression or anxiety to know and understand that you are not alone.  God is there beside you, fighting the fight.  And you have friends here at the Iron Porch who support you, too!

~Erin

Fear Factor

This last Sunday at church, our pastor said something that has really stuck with me throughout the week.  He said, “The problem with fear is not that it exists.  It’s that we allow it to grip us and prevent us from doing what God has created us to do.”

I’m sure we’ve been at a point in our lives when we’re faced with a decision.  Perhaps we feel the prompting of the Holy Spirit to step out in faith and start a ministry or lead a group.  It could be the decision to donate time and energy to a homeless shelter or make food for shut-ins.  Do our neighbors know the saving grace of Jesus Christ?  Should I join the church?  In any of those circumstances, we should be seeking God and looking to Him for guidance.

Yet often, we try to figure out what our next move is on our own.  We make a list of pros and cons.  We ask friends and family members.  We run to the internet for advice.  We’re afraid of making the wrong choice so we become paralyzed and then make no decision.  I’m guilty of this myself.  I’m great at making a to-do list for the Holy Spirit so He knows how it needs to end up.  Then I promptly ignore my own list that was useless anyway!

When the pastor made that comment this weekend, it made me wonder how often I do this very thing.  Fear is not bad.  But when I allow it to hinder me from living out God’s will for my life, it’s a sin. 

We’re told in Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and pleading with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your heart and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Am I saying that we shouldn’t be seeking counsel about big decisions?  Absolutely not.  But our first move shouldn’t be to the people or things around us.  It should be to our Heavenly Father who wants the best for us.  We should seek God who directs our path for what we should do.  He has given us the Holy Spirit to help us live this life.

And how do we hear the Holy Spirit?  I’m so glad you asked!  We need to be in our bibles!  We need to be praying!  We need to be studying His word and seeking Godly counsel.  All those things allow us a richer and closer connection to God.  That, in turn, allows us to be more attune to the calling of our Creator!

I pray as we continue through the year that we lay down the fear that prevents us from doing what He has created us to do.  Instead, let’s live out our calling with our eyes focused solely on God and trust His perfect direction!

~Erin

Playful Sightlessness

I was playing pretty rough with my lab, when he pushed back on his back legs with his front paws started coming forward right at my face.

I couldn’t move out of the way fast enough.  Instead, I felt an intense pain on my left eye and a burning down the side of my face.  I fully thought the dog had inadvertently blinded me.  

In that moment, I stood with tears flowing, tentatively opening my eyes with a tremendous fear that the blurriness in my left eye was indicative of my new life without sight in that eye.  

While blinking repeatedly and checking for blood, I wondered if this is how Saul felt in Acts 9 when God struck him blind prior to his conversion to Christianity.  It was in that moment, I had a glimpse into the pure panic that Saul must have felt. 

As my sight began to clear, my thoughts shifted to the parable in Luke chapter 6, when Jesus says that the blind wouldn’t be able to lead the blind.  

“He also told them this parable: ‘Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into a pit?’” Luke 6:39 (NASB)

The implication is clear. No, the blind can’t lead the blind.  You can’t lead if you yourself don’t know about particular situations.  Perhaps it means that you can’t teach if you haven’t been the student.  Maybe it means, one leader isn’t effective unless they’ve been an effective follower.  

It’s a poetic way to showcase the expectation that a strong Christian who leads, disciples, and mentors others, are likely the ones who have studied the Word, spent time in prayer, and have been discipled themselves.  

What does that mean for women walking with Jesus? It means that we need to ensure we are constantly strengthening our relationship with God if we are in leadership positions. It also means that we have to assess those who are in leader positions around us and discern if we are being appropriately led.  

My moment of temporary blindness from playing with my dog, was actually one of conviction.  Conviction that I need to be deliberately growing to be a better leader, as well as assessing who is teaching me. 

It’s amazing how lessons come from our everyday life…conviction from canine playing.

~Emily

Are They Trustworthy?

Trust is such a simple yet complex feeling.  We want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.  We believe that we can have confidence in the words that they say.  However, sometimes in our lives, we can be left burned and hurt.

I would love to believe that people are not untrustworthy on purpose.  I don’t think anyone likes to intentionally break that bond.  Most often, I see it when there is fear of being hurt themselves or perhaps even fear of being found out.  Sometimes, it’s just genuine misunderstanding of the circumstance that leaves a feeling of nagging doubt at the person’s words.

Recently, I had to deal with this issue of trust.  The words appeared calculated and dishonest.  The first thought that came to my mind is something my mom used to say to me when I lied as a child, “Do I have ‘stupid’ tattooed on my forehead!”  The visceral reaction was to be angry.  I felt injured by the words.  I can’t even be 100% sure that what was being said was a lie, but every bone in my body went into full can-I-trust-this-answer mode.

Despite there being people in our lives that can break that trust bond, there’s someone who will never break that bond. That’s our Heavenly Father.

God is the ultimate trustworthy Creator.  We see it over and over in scripture.  He repeatedly saved the Israelites.  He sent judges to help them be victorious.  He sent His Son, Jesus, to walk the earth and take on our punishment of death.  He sent apostles to teach us about a relationship with Christ and salvation.  He’s, even now, preparing a place for us in heaven.  We can trust Him.

Psalm 9:10 says, “and those who know Your name will put their trust in You, for You, Lord, have not abandoned those who seek You.”

No matter what happens with the humans surrounding us, trust of God need not ever waver.  He created us and He loves us.

Friends, are you dealing with issues of trust in your life this week?  Come to the porch and know you’re not alone.  Our Father is forever trustworthy!

~Erin

Noah and the EMP

The power went out unexpectedly at the radio station that I listen to while I was driving home.  With clear skies, I wondered what could possibly have knocked out the power.  Ironically, when the host came back on he said something to the effect of every time the power goes out he thinks maybe an enemy country has launched an EMP attack (electromagnetic pulse attack) on America.  

An EMP would literally change almost every aspect of our lives.  No more electricity, non-working ATMs, no more internet, cell phone inoperable, no vehicles working…chaos.

There is global technology that could make it happen.  Our enemies could use this as a weapon.  We may or may not be ready for the impacts of an EMP event.  While some think it’s a conspiracy theory, the reality is that based upon our technological advancements, an EMP attack is a possibility. 

The knowledge that there are those in the world with this technology at the exact same time that there are others who disbelieve this is a possibility, makes me think about those nay-sayers during Noah’s time. 

Starting in Genesis chapter 5 though chapter 10, we see Noah following the guidance from God to build a ginormous ark. The story unfolds with Noah and his family getting animals onto the ark, as well as the time on the ark during the unrelenting rain and subsequent global flooding.  

Here’s a beautiful story of the faithfulness of Noah.  Yet while Noah was committed to the directions from God, there were countless doubters, troublemakers and nay-sayers.  They showed up day after day, in disbelief of the prophecy, causing issues for Noah and his family. 

By no means am I comparing the anger of God to flood the earth with a potential enemy EMP attack.  Nor am I comparing the faithfulness of Noah with those who might believe in an EMPs possibility.  However, I am interested in how there are people in both scenarios who are in doubt and create chaos for others.  

In both scenarios, the doubters have an opportunity to prepare for the coming chaos.  One could say that preparation could come in the form of your own boat building…or having a collection of extra canned goods. 

The reality is that the preparations in both instances should be focused on knowing God.  When we know Christ as our Savior, when we are prayerful, when we study the Word, and when we assist others in their walk with Christ…that is when the preparations are meaningful and impactful.

It doesn’t have to be a global flood or an EMP that upends a life.  It could be a loss in revenue, a new bill, a divorce, a death, or countless other things. The preparation for every single event of chaos includes a stronger relationship with Christ.   

When the power went out, the local radio host was joking about an EMP, but it’s a reminder of just how quickly everything could change for society. How prepared are we when it comes to our faithfulness to God’s direction? 

~Emily

“Your faithfulness endures to all generations; you have established the earth, and it stands fast.” Psalms 119:90

Don’t Hit the Deer!

Emily and I just got back from a trip where we drove cross-country.  Our relationship is one where I’m always the driver (insert my control factor here) and she’s the navigator (she really does a fantastic job).  I’ve always loved road trips and have never backed down from one.  I travelled all over Germany as a child, so it’s practically in my DNA to make a batch of lemon stickies, throw our pillows and blankets in the car with the suitcases and drive rather than fly anywhere.

As I’ve gotten older, however, I find I’ve begun to prefer less driving at night.  Five years ago, my girls and I would drive 15+ hours in the car on the first leg of the trip, driving late into the night so that we would have a short day the next day in the car.  It didn’t bother me in the least.  As I’ve aged, I’m actually now afraid that my eyes aren’t going to efficiently catch my surroundings.  Do you know what I’m afraid of?  I’m afraid of hitting a deer.  (Emily, we will NOT discuss the raccoon from a week ago until I’ve sufficiently recovered.)

They dart out in the darkness of night and think nothing of the people driving along the highway other than “your road is in my way.”  I’ve seen them multiple times just grazing right on the edge of the road, and I keep thinking to myself as I get closer Please stay there!  I have to be on my guard to make sure that I see what’s on either side and am prepared for what may bolt out into my path.

I should be just as aware when it comes to the wiles of the devil.  The Bible says in I Peter 5:8, “Be of sober spirt, be on the alert.  Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”

The devil prowls around.  He’s lurking along the edges of our walk with God looking for ways to interfere.  It’s typically not blatant or obvious.  It’s subtle and crafty.  He’s standing just close enough to see when he might pounce.  He’s taking his time looking to see what’s available to mess with.  Then before we’ve realized it, he’s bounded into our path and worked overtime to hurt our relationship with our Heavenly Father.

We must be constantly vigilant about satan trying to wreak havoc.  Just like I have to be on guard for the deer jumping out in the road, we must make sure we are prepared for satan’s temptations.

How do we do that?  We start by having a relationship with Jesus and asking Him to be our Lord and Savior.  We have a faithful prayer life, bringing our petitions to God.  We pray that we will consistently put on the whole armor of God.  We read His Word.  The Bible is God-breathed.  We need only look on those pages to see what God would have us do and how to be ready for battle.  We commune with fellow believers!  Surrounding yourself with other Christ-followers allow us to join together as we battle the tempter.

Sweet friend, I challenge you to be aware of your surroundings.  Be prepared and vigilant for the fight against satan!  And remember, God always gets the victory!

~Erin

The Growing Up Children

Peyton has one year left of school, and it’s moving at lightning speed!  Tomorrow we’ll order her cap and gown and before long, we’ll be addressing graduation announcements to let everyone know she’s finally finished with high school.  The thought of her going to college (whether she still lives with us or not) or even just moving out on her own has me scared to death!

For 17 years, I’ve taken care of her.  I’ve been responsible for making sure she has food, clothing, an education, kisses to bed, hugs to leave for school, and bandaids for the boo-boos.  I’ve been there to talk about boys, or cry about boys, or eat gallons of ice cream over boys.  I’ve been in charge of taking her to church, leading her growth in Christ, and nurturing a Godly household.  And before I know it, my job will be over in that way, and she’ll be taking care of herself.

I worry.  What parent (or grandparent, aunt, uncle, or family friend) doesn’t?  We watch our children grow and make mistakes, most often the same mistakes we made as a kid.  And then we worry about how they will handle it when we’re not around to hold their hand and guide them to a smart decision.

During this time, I find strength in this verse.

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” –Isaiah 26:3

I don’t have to worry.  When I keep my mind focused on the love of the Father, He gives me the peace I need.  It’s a peace that allows me to remember that He will watch over Peyton as she finishes high school, as she makes decisions about college, and decides when it’s time to move out.

Peyton may make decisions that I won’t like.  She may choose a path that I won’t agree with.  But I can take comfort in God’s perfect plan for her life.  I need only to trust in Him.

How about you, friends?  Do any of you worry about your children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, neighbors!?  Come to the porch and share!  We’d love to pray over your children.

~Erin