Category: Fear

Danger at the Gas Pump

Growing up in Oregon, I never had to pump my own gas.  It’s illegal to pump your own gas in my home State.  An attendant comes out and does it for you.  Once I joined the military and moved to another State, I had to learn…and learn quickly if I wanted to keep driving. 

As I made the transition from having someone pump my gas to doing it myself, I developed a ridiculous fear that someday I would drive away from the pump with the hose still connected to my car.  I’ve seen videos where distracted drivers have done very thing I fear.  Yet, when I started being afraid of this, there wasn’t YouTube and social media to ‘fuel’ the fear. 

It’s an irrational fear.  It’s just one example.  Some of our irrational fears could involve health concerns, weather disasters, financial ruin, child raising, and tons more.  The reality is this…when we entertain an irrational fear, we are distracted from the goodness of God. 

I’ve often gone to scripture to overcome some of my irrational fears, such as driving away with the gas hose still attached to my gas tank.  How we feel and act is a product of our active thinking.  When we think godly thoughts, godly behavior follows.  In Proverbs 23:7 (NASB) we see, “As a person thinks within himself, so he is.”  We can replace the lies we believe with the truth of God.  This is a renewal of our minds as seen in Romans 12:1-2 and Ephesians 4:23.

Through the renewal of our minds and alignment with the Word of God, we can put our beliefs into action.  No matter what I believe about an irrational fear or phobia, I must also know that God promises good results.  1 Corinthians 10:13 (ESV) states, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

Each time I pump gas, I have the temptation to fall into fear about destroying the pump and my car.  When I turn that fear over to the Lord, I’ve found the escape provided by God.  He is allowing me an opportunity to focus more solely on him, rather than my fear.

Each one of us has a fear, like the danger of the gas pump.  How we address the fear is where potential growth in our Christian walk can occur.

I’m praying this week that each of us faces our fear with the knowledge that the Lord is providing an “escape.”

~Emily

One Year Later-Letting Go

It’s through a much different lens that I see Peyton now.  Just a year ago, her dad and I hugged her goodbye as she started her brief inpatient stay on the adolescent psychiatric ward for a suicide attempt.  She had failed in an overdose, and she needed help that we couldn’t give her.

It’s been a long road of therapy appointments, medication management, and the battle of wills as our family settled into a different kind of normal that now presented itself.  After she came home, my days typically ended with me wondering if I’d hovered too much or didn’t hover enough.  I questioned whether I gave her too much freedom that day or not as much as she needed.  Did I hug her the right number of times?  Did she remember that I loved her?  Did she still have thoughts of suicide?

Every day was an endless list of questions in my head.  And to be honest, it was probably an endless list of questions in Peyton’s head, too.  But she was using new skills to tell us when she was struggling and utilizing coping techniques when she became anxious. 

She was working hard to fix herself on her own and has made several adult choices along the way to include moving out and making her own decisions without the confines of parental rules and regulations.  She’s not going wild, so don’t fret about that!  

How does that look for a mom and a Christian? 

As a mom at first, it meant DEVASTATION!  I want to protect her at all cost.  I saw her in the most vulnerable position last year trying to choose death over life.  I want to guarantee the people she’s friends with are good and strong, loving and dependable.  I want to know she’s eating more than McDonald’s every day and that she’s taking her medication and attending her therapy.     

As a Christian mom, it meant DEVASTATION!  I want her to be in church.  I want her to turn her heart back to God and allow Him to help heal her.  I want her in her Bible and trusting that God hasn’t left her alone.  I want her to remember the joy of the Lord she had before!

But what about as a CHRISTIAN?  Let’s take away the emotion behind being this sweet girl’s mother.  The Lord tells me in Psalm 127:3a, “Behold children are a gift of the Lord.”  She is a gift to me, but the Lord gave her to me as a gift, so He sees and knows her worth.  She is not lost on Him.  He values her as the gift that she is.

Philippians 1:6 says, “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work among you will complete it by the day of Jesus Christ.”  He’s not done with her.  Just because Peyton chooses to try and “fix” herself doesn’t mean that He’s given up on her.  He’s not dumping her on the wayside because she believes she can do it on her own.  He began a good work in her and I’m am assured that it will be completed. 

When I take away the emotion and fear as a mother, I’m left with trusting a Savior to be there when I can’t.  I’m left with trusting a Holy Spirit to nudge her heart.  I’m left with trusting a Father to never leave her or forsake her.

And that’s tough.  Any mother, friend, aunt, grandparent, etc who’s been in this situation knows that God has given us a desire to protect our friends and loved ones in something like this.  But He’s also given us the tools to understand that it’s HIS job to take the burden, not ours.

So here I am….letting go.  I’m trusting God will do the job that I’m inadequate for.  She’s His child.  He loves her even more than I do. 

~Erin

God Has the Night Shift

I’ve never been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder  (OCD), but I know I’ve got some quirky tendencies.  For instance, I always turn the opening of a coffee cup lid to align with the seam of the cup.  I must look at the copyright date of every book before I can read anything within the book.  I also always turn my pillows so that the pillowcase openings face the outside of the bed.

Quirky traits.  Not necessarily OCD, but quirky, nonetheless.

Years ago, I watched a documentary on OCD and watched a woman who had to repeatedly check her locks every time she was home alone.  She checked dozens of times and the most unique part of her obsession was that she checked the locks in a pattern. 

I have had moments where I double-check that I locked the door.  Heck, there’s even been times I’ve triple-checked the locks.  Mostly out of fear because I’m home alone.  I watch too many crime-related tv shows for my own good.

Do you know what keeps you up at night worrying?  For me, it’s making sure that I’m safe and sound with locked doors.  For others, it might be finances, relationships, health issues, work, or countless other things that could be making your mind work on overdrive.

We’re told in Philippians 4:6 “Do not worry about anything…”

And yet, we worry.  Why do we do that?  God has promised to supply our every need (Philippians 4:19) so why do we continuously worry? 

Worrying creates several problems.  First, worry increases our stress.  Scripture tells us that we can overcome stress rather than becoming a victim of it.  Matthew 6:34 tells us “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”  A few verses before that in Matthew 6:27, we read, “And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to your life?”

These two passages show us how stress impacts us physically and emotionally. 

Worrying creates another problem for us.  It makes a scenario where we could begin to doubt God’s promises.  Our own stress and worry often leads us to want to “fix” problems ourselves rather than rely on the promises of God that He will always care for us.

It’s a very human reaction to worry.  Yet, we should train ourselves to not worry…as much.  We need to give these worries to God.  It’s something I have to continuously remind myself of…I have to give my worries to the Lord.  And then let Him keep them. 

Trust Him.  Lock your doors and then go to bed.  Trust that the Lord will take the night shift.

~Emily

Unpacking Boxes

On Sunday, my husband completed a 9’ bookshelf for me!  I have boxes of books that have just been waiting for a home, and Chris built me beautiful shelves to begin placing them.  Slowly, but surely, I’m going through each box and getting them on the shelves.  My next step is to alphabetize my fiction and non-fiction books by author as well as separate my Bible study and reference material!  I’m kind of a nerd like that, so I’m very excited!

Sometimes, we have emotional “boxes” in our lives that we’ve tucked away like my books.  It’s something we need to unpack but something hinders us from doing it.  Perhaps it’s a hurt that you don’t wish to feel again.  Maybe it’s anger that you’ve stuffed down to avoid.  It could even be a fear that you’re not ready to deal with.

We keep the boxes hidden away because we don’t have the capacity or space to handle it.  What hinders me from pulling those boxes out, usually, is the need to control the current situation or the outcome.  If I can’t feel it, I don’t have to deal with it.  If I don’t have to deal with it, I don’t have to accept the answer.  The problem is, though, that the box never really goes away.  You just pile boxes on top of it until you’ve got a closet full of old boxes that never get dealt with.

You know who can handle them?  Our God can.  He tells us to give it to Him.  “Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is comfortable, and My burden is light.” –Matthew 11:28-30

He tells us to come to Him and He will help us.  We are to take on the yoke of the Father.  Why?  Because His yoke is comfortable and light.  But how is that possible? Because He bears it with us.  Isn’t that beautiful!  We don’t have to take on those boxes by ourselves.  We have God who walks with us, who is with us through the hard stuff.  It’s truly a gift.

I pray if you have boxes that need unpacking in your life, that you lean into the King of Kings and allow Him to help you as you begin the process.

~Erin

Fearing Persecution

I live in Bible country.  You’ll find a large majority of people in my area who go to church regularly, memorized scripture as far back as they can remember, or who talk about Jesus without a second thought.  Around here, it’s pretty easy to speak about God or tell someone that you’re praying for them.

But what about in other areas?  What about in the places you aren’t familiar with?  What about the bigger cities or businesses you frequent?  What about your jobsite?  Would you have the same confidence that the people you are surrounded by are unfazed or irritated that you would bring up Jesus?

We see more and more these days, Christians having to defend what they say and how they believe.  Often, we’ll hold our tongues in certain situations because we aren’t familiar with the surrounding audience.

But friends, we’re told that persecution and trials will happen!  We know that some will mock us for our beliefs.  You may receive harassment for your feelings on sensitive topics.  Dare I say some of us could lose friends for standing on the Rock of our Salvation.   The Bible tells us those who willingly accept it are blessed for going through it! 

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.” –James 1:2-4

“If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of Glory and of God rests on you.” –1 Peter 4:14

“That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.” –2 Corinthians 12:10

We should be proud of the fact that our home is in heaven!  I saw a wonderful testament to this just this week.

Most of you have seen the NFL football game on Monday that resulted in the Buffalo Bills’ player, Damar Hamlin, going into cardiac arrest.  As they worked on him at the 50-yard-line, people were stunned, crowds quiet, many of the players and crew taking a knee as they waited to see if he would be ok. 

The following morning during a broadcast, Dan Orlovsky, an ESPN commentator, was speaking about what happened to Damar. 

Now hear me when I say, I know nothing about this man.  I’ve only read he’s an “outspoken Christian.”  I don’t know what his faith-walk looks like and I don’t know what skeletons are in his closet.  What I do know is that he courageously said on national TV that even though he didn’t know if it was the right thing to do, he wanted to pray for him right then with eyes closed and head bowed.  And he did. 

That.  Takes.  Guts.

Would we do the same?

I’m encouraged, Iron Porch!  Those that know me, know that I would talk to a door if it would talk back.  However, I want to be so fearless that I would stand WHEREVER and proclaim that I will pray to our Jehovah-Rapha, The God who Heals.  I want to be unashamed to talk to anyone about Jesus without fear of persecution because I know that persecution brings glory to our Father.

I’m asking you, dear friends…let’s stand strong in our faith, proclaiming to all the goodness and mercy of God that everyone might know who He is!

~Erin

The New Year

With a new year comes fresh starts.  Sometimes, it means setting resolutions or goals for yourself.  To others, it means looking to a Word of the Year.  Still, to some it just means another year down, another to go.  It’s something different for everyone.

Usually, I figure out a word of the year.  While I haven’t figured out what my word is, I do feel there is a shift in the air for me in 2023.  It’s been subtle, sneaking up on me.  Today, I feel like it’s practically attacking!

For many of us, change can be scary.  It can be alarming.  We’re comfortable with the norm and we don’t need to see something new.  It can sometimes feel overwhelming.  However, the subtle changes or dramatic beginnings often bring with it a fresh perspective and a new outlook.

For those who find what’s to come in the new year challenging or frightening, let me give you two verses that I’ve been reciting to myself these last couple of days.

“Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” –Matthew 11:28 (NASB)

“What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee.” –Psalm 56:3 (KJV)

I don’t quite know what 2023 holds for me yet.   I know there’s new circumstances that I’ll be navigating.  God assures me, though, that He can be trusted as I walk through it.  I’m certain that through Him, I can navigate 2023 with grace and understanding and with a steady walk because He walks it with me.

Praise the Lord for a God who already knows what next year holds!

Friends, are you excited or nervous about something that is going to happen in 2023?  Share with us in the comments!

~Erin

A Heavy Christmas

My heart hurts right now for the people who are celebrating Christmas during a tough time.  I’m thinking about the family that’s saying an earthly goodbye to a mom.  I think about the parents holding their son’s hand as he fights for his life in a hospital room.  I think about the mom who’s spending her first Christmas without her son and the widow who’s now alone at Christmas.

How do you comfort someone on what feels like a joyous time of year when the human struggle inside reminds them of the pain and/or worry they feel?  What do you say that doesn’t sound insincere or inadequate? 

I’ve been struggling this week to find the balance for my blog post because of this.  I wanted to write to you, Iron Porch, and talk about what the spirit of Christmas means.  But when I sit down to write, I keep coming back to people who are suffering during Christmas and how much it just might hurt to see everyone so joyful and happy when the days, to you, seem to drag out or maybe even in the opposite direction, are going too quickly.  I guess this is my attempt to find the balance…

Humanity messed up the idea of a sinless life.  Because of that, God knew we needed a Savior.  And He went big.  It was foretold in Isaiah 9:6 (NASB), “For a Child will be born to us, a Son will be given to us; and the government will rest on His shoulders; and His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace.”

God knew we needed a sacrifice to cover our sins, a truly spotless Lamb.  So He sent His perfect Son.  It was the gift of all gifts.  A gift we didn’t deserve.  A gift we still don’t.  And yet He so loved us that He sent Jesus down to earth to become that sacrifice.  Jesus gives us perfect answers even when we don’t understand.  He is just and merciful at the same time.  His love as a Father far surpasses that of any human father, and He will bring peace to this Earth once again.

Joseph was told in a dream what was happening.  “She will give birth to a Son; and you shall name Him Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.” –Matthew 1:21 (NASB)

He will save His people.  God sent His Son for you.  We celebrate Christmas because the Son of Man came into this world as a babe lying in a dirty manger, grew up, died on the cross, and rose again so that we could accept the free gift of salvation as believers. 

Being believers, we know that the Holy Spirit dwells in us.  Jesus called Him the Comforter (KJV).  So here’s what I would say to the people I’m thinking about this week…

Because He dwells in us, He’s right there with you while you grieve.  He’s there as you celebrate.  He’s there as you mourn.  He will not abandon you.  He will sustain you.  

I’m praying for these families as I go through this week and celebrate the birth of Jesus.  I ask you to join me in prayer for them, as well, and for all families that may be going through a difficult Christmas season. 

I love you and Merry Christmas,

Erin

Room for Discipline

I was 11, my brother 9, and we had been fighting like cats and dogs.  I mean, what brother and sister don’t have fights, but to hear my mom tell it, it was all out war in the home.  It was right around Christmas, just a few weeks until THE day, and my mother had had enough of our arguing.

“If I have to tell you one more time to knock it off, there will be no Christmas from your Pop and me.” (Please note here that we were not taught about Santa, so the presents from them were a big deal.) But does that sound real, folks?!  Of course it doesn’t.  Every parent says something like that once or 50 times in their life… “if you don’t knock it off, you’re gonna get a spanking/grounded/no tv/no dinner/no dessert, etc.”  So you can imagine how keen I was on listening to her warning.

Until we woke up Christmas morning and the usually blocked off hallway leading to the living room was without it’s usual blocking.  We walked into the open space….AND THERE WAS NOTHING UNDER THE TREE.  For real.  We bawled our eyes out, had breakfast and when on about our day.  What kind of parent does that????

And despite the devastation I felt that morning, as an adult now, I recognize the need for that kind of correction.

Sometimes correction seems harsh or unjust.  It doesn’t feel fair because we don’t see what we’ve done as “that bad.” In human eyes, we treat our sin as if it’s something that we can just brush off.  There isn’t a need to make a big deal out of it.  I mean, God forgives so what’s the harm?

Correction is needed for maturing and growth in your faith in God.  It’s a necessary step in the walk that we have as Christians.  Paul speaks of this in Hebrews 12:4-8.

4 “You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin;

5 And you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons, “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor faint when you are reproved by Him;

6 For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives.” 

7 It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 

8 But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.”

Because God loves us, it’s imperative there is discipline when we are headed down the wrong path.  When there is sin, we must be held accountable.  It doesn’t mean that God will not forgive us when we repent.  Rather, correction is meant to guide us back to the road that leads to the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  If we didn’t receive this, the Bible tells us we wouldn’t be children of the King.

What does discipline from God look like?  I’m no theologian, but I suspect that it’s different for each person and for each thing God is trying to correct us on.  Just like a loving parent does, three swats on the behind might be applicable to one offense, while an early bedtime with no dessert might work better for something different.  Here’s what I can stand firm on—God knows what’s appropriate and best.  And He loves us enough to do it.  We can stand comforted that His discipline comes from a right and just place.  He will always lead us back to Him.

I pray this week as we go about our business, that we recognize our attitudes and actions as Godly, adhering to the Word of God.  If there is correction to be received, may you see that it’s loving.

~Erin

P.S. We did finally get our presents…our parents woke up as at 1145pm to let us open the hidden presents. We never tested the waters again.

My Spicy Eyes!

This week, my daughter called me with an urgent request.  “Take a look at this photo.  What are your thoughts?” The left eye of my grandson, Andros, had turned sharply and suddenly veered inward, it was wobbling, and he was seeing double.  She made an appointment to see the eye doctor and as he sat in front of the provider that same afternoon, he was told that he would need some eyedrops.  The optometrist explained that just like when you get something spicy on your tongue, his eye would feel that way for just a minute but it would be ok.  Now, Andros does NOT like spicy food.  If it has a drop of pepper on it, he can taste it.  And as the gentleman placed the drops into his tightly squeezed, terrified,  waiting eyes, that sweet boy started crying and yelling, “MY SPICY EYES!  MY SPICY EYES!”  It’s a story we’re laughing about now days later.

I began to think of Saul as he lost his sight on the road to Damascus and reached for his story in my bible.  He was a man who took great pleasure in persecuting Christians.  He didn’t do it because he was a sociopath.  He did it because he was a Jewish scholar who genuinely believed that what the Christians were saying was blasphemy to God.  He felt he was expelling a problem.  He was even present at the first martyr, Stephen’s, death.  Then we see in Acts 9 him on the road to Damascus because he had found out about people there who were teaching about Jesus as the Son of God.

“Now as he was traveling, it happened that he was approaching Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him; and he fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?” And he said, “Who are You, Lord?” And He said, “I am Jesus whom you are persecuting, but get up and enter the city, and it will be told to you what you must do.”  The men who traveled with him stood speechless, hearing the voice but seeing no one.  Saul got up from the ground, and though his eyes were open, he could see nothing; and leading him by the hand, they brought him into Damascus.  And for three days he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank.” –Acts 9:3-9

He was literally blinded by the light of Jesus!  What a way to get his attention, right?!  I wonder what he must have been feeling. There is nothing mentioned in the verses following about anyone witnessing to him.  I’m not sure if there was.  My personal belief is that he sat in his own darkness and fasted, recognizing the weight of what had just happened. 

An encounter with Jesus is nothing small.  Here was a man who felt confident his persecution of the Christians was acceptable.  And in one brief moment, everything he believed was turned on its head as Jesus revealed EXACTLY who he was. 

And lest we think that’s the only ‘WOW’ moment in that interaction, how about what Jesus told him to do!  He told him to go to the city and it would be told to him what to do.  Jesus didn’t give him the 3-year plan.  He didn’t tell him he was going to become one of the greatest missionaries of all time.  He wasn’t privy to knowledge that He would eventually be given direct revelation by God!  He was told to go and he would be told to what to do.

How many of us are willing to just take that first directive and then sit and wait?  I’m afraid disobedience would kick in for me.  I’d be calling my friends, asking my mom to come to me.  I’d be asking Emily to do some research.  I’d be thinking of every scenario of what “will be told to do” implies.  That, friends, is where we trip ourselves up. 

Sometimes, the wait is part of the answer.  There are times where God wants us to have a period of waiting until He’s ready to give us the next step in our walk, and we screw it up by thinking we know the next step.  How easy it seems to just sit and wait for God, and how hard we make it by trying to navigate it ourselves.

The rest of the story for Paul is beautiful.  He waits.  God sends Ananias to him and tells him what to do.  And literal scales fall from his eyes.  Paul not only regains his earthly sight, but he’s given his spiritual sight!  He goes on to lead thousands to the Lord and dare I say millions with how his words h shown people even today how to fully surrender to our Savior.

Iron Porch, I pray that as we encounter Jesus through Bible study, reading the scripture, and learning of God’s love, that each encounter is one that shows us who He is.  I also pray that we learn to wait on the Lord, that we be patient in the space between, and that we trust God to fill in the blank. 

~Erin

The Hard Decisions: Labor and Delivery

When I was a young Airman, I worked in Labor and Delivery as the primary surgical technician for c-sections. More times than I care to count, I was present when hard decisions were made about maternal or baby health.  Sometimes those choices had to do with a plummeting baby heart rate, a few times it had to do with a prolapsed cord, and once it had to do with a teratoma mass (this is a very rare cell tumor that can contain fully formed tissues, teeth, hair or bones).  The outcomes of those decisions were typically positive with both mother and baby surviving.  Sometimes those outcomes were much sadder.

In Exodus, we know there was a pharaoh trying to control Israel’s population through hard labor and ultimately by ordering Hebrew midwives to kill any male infants that they delivered (Exodus 1:15-16).  This is a much hard decision of the labor and delivery kind.

Within the scripture we see Shiphrah and Puah, the midwives, put into a scenario where they had to choose to follow the orders of the earthly leader or the commandments of the heavenly one.

It’s important to note that Moses refers to these two midwives by name.  Perhaps out of the multitude of other midwives, these two are most important because of their seniority in the area.  Perhaps they were mentors or teachers of the other midwives. Perhaps because of that leadership role, they would have been expected to follow the pharaoh’s orders and become an example to the rest of the midwives.  Perhaps they are remembered in the Old Testament scrolls because of their fear of the Lord and their disobedience of the murderous order (Exodus 1:17).

They could have been simply lost to the years as historically insignificant. 

But they were not. 

Why? Because they refused man and chose to obey God (Acts 5:17-19).  They did not kill any babies, let alone just the male infants.  In that choice, they remained faithful to the Lord.  They were able to stand before God as righteous servants rather than wretched ones.  They changed the course of world history by preserving God’s chosen people.

Their decisions were life and death ones with eternal implications.  Like modern obstetrics, they were making the hard decisions of labor and delivery. 

~Emily

“The midwives feared God and did not do as the king of Egypt commanded them, but let the male children live.” Exodus 1:17 (NIV)