Category: Emily

One Year of Grief

Last week would have been my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary.  They had just celebrated 49 when my Dad died one month later.  They missed 50 by a mere 11 months. 

My Mom has been quite stoic during this first year of grieving her husband.  In the last eleven months, she’s made it through her birthday, his birthday, their children’s birthdays, the 4th of July, Thanksgiving, and Christmas by herself.  She’s made it through the 1st Sunday sitting alone at church, the first neighborhood BBQ, and the first house repair without him.  For the first time in her life, she figured out how to change the bulb in the fridge and how to set a mouse trap. 

She’s been quiet about her grief. 

Until the wedding anniversary date.  She was very vocal about not wanting to be home by herself to “mope around” all day crying and missing him.  She made plans to meet the ladies from her church for lunch and shopping to fill the day with outings.

And then a sickness went through the church that left her without plans for the anniversary date.

She watched their favorite movies.  She poured through their wedding album.  She made his favorite dessert…then ate it all!  She got flowers from her kids.  And she spent time in the Word.  Later she said that it was the best day of memories…and that God had a much better plan for her day than she had scheduled.  Psalm 34:18 says that The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

Loss is part of our human experience, but that does not make it any easier to deal with.  Death takes its toll on those left behind and occasionally it feels as though the grieving process is never-ending.  Yet, scripture offers us comfort, guidance, and hope. 

Comfort:

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”  Matthew 5:4

Guidance:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Hope:

“Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die.  Do you believe this?” John 11:25-26

My Mom isn’t the only one walking through grief.  I recognize that thousands of people deal with the grieving process daily.  Last week was the first time that I recognized how much scripture and the Word of God can change the tide of a day.  My Mom, who had been anticipating a sad day of mourning, instead had a joyful day of memories.  God offers comfort, guidance, and hope. 

God is good.

~Emily

God Has the Night Shift

I’ve never been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder  (OCD), but I know I’ve got some quirky tendencies.  For instance, I always turn the opening of a coffee cup lid to align with the seam of the cup.  I must look at the copyright date of every book before I can read anything within the book.  I also always turn my pillows so that the pillowcase openings face the outside of the bed.

Quirky traits.  Not necessarily OCD, but quirky, nonetheless.

Years ago, I watched a documentary on OCD and watched a woman who had to repeatedly check her locks every time she was home alone.  She checked dozens of times and the most unique part of her obsession was that she checked the locks in a pattern. 

I have had moments where I double-check that I locked the door.  Heck, there’s even been times I’ve triple-checked the locks.  Mostly out of fear because I’m home alone.  I watch too many crime-related tv shows for my own good.

Do you know what keeps you up at night worrying?  For me, it’s making sure that I’m safe and sound with locked doors.  For others, it might be finances, relationships, health issues, work, or countless other things that could be making your mind work on overdrive.

We’re told in Philippians 4:6 “Do not worry about anything…”

And yet, we worry.  Why do we do that?  God has promised to supply our every need (Philippians 4:19) so why do we continuously worry? 

Worrying creates several problems.  First, worry increases our stress.  Scripture tells us that we can overcome stress rather than becoming a victim of it.  Matthew 6:34 tells us “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”  A few verses before that in Matthew 6:27, we read, “And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to your life?”

These two passages show us how stress impacts us physically and emotionally. 

Worrying creates another problem for us.  It makes a scenario where we could begin to doubt God’s promises.  Our own stress and worry often leads us to want to “fix” problems ourselves rather than rely on the promises of God that He will always care for us.

It’s a very human reaction to worry.  Yet, we should train ourselves to not worry…as much.  We need to give these worries to God.  It’s something I have to continuously remind myself of…I have to give my worries to the Lord.  And then let Him keep them. 

Trust Him.  Lock your doors and then go to bed.  Trust that the Lord will take the night shift.

~Emily

Sunday Afternoon Naps

I’m in the middle of menopause.  And it’s kicking my tail.  I’m unmotivated and cranky.  I’m achy in all the joints. I’m exhausted. I’m hot and sweaty. I’m moody and plump.  And I’m not sleeping well at night.

So there is a distinct desire to catch a cat nap throughout the day. 

The best chance for that cat nap?  It’s Sunday afternoon.  We’ve already attended to morning chores.  We’ve gone to worship at church.  I’ve got dinner cooking and 9/10 times my son and husband are out fishing in the afternoon.  A perfect time for a snooze.

This decadent treat of a mid-day sleep normally occurs on the couch.  But I’ve fallen asleep on my back porch chairs and even on the swing bench by the firepit.  It doesn’t matter where I fall asleep on a Sunday afternoon…what matters is my weary body readily accepts this gift of sweet sleep. 

In Proverbs, we can read about this type of sleep.  “If you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.” ~Proverbs 3:24 (ESV)

Part of the sweetness of this type of sleep is giving God my worries which often leads to my troubled sleepless nights.  Worry and regret weigh heavily on our minds, which often makes it hard to relax into slumber.  Solomon is a great example of someone who rejects foolishness by asking God for wisdom.  Part of wisdom is allowing those worries to not weigh us down. 

The wise among us, make prayerful decisions, trust the Lord with outcomes, and can sleep through the night like it’s a glorious Sunday afternoon nap.

I’m praying this week that we are all wise, prayerful, and granted full nights of restful sleep (or maybe even the occasional nap)!

~Emily

The Welcome Mat

I recently saw an ad for a mat that said, “Delivery person: Were Rachel and Ross on a break?” 

Yes, with an arrow to the right.

No, with an arrow to the left. 

Of course, there was a doorbell video of the subsequent deliveries being placed on the right or the left of the mat. 

As a ‘Friends’ fan, I found it humorous.

A welcome mat on the front porch often gives insight into the character of the people who live there.  In most cases, it’s a reflection of their personality.  I’ve seen “wipe your paws” or “Welcome” or the homeowner’s last name.  My current welcome mat simply has a bee on it. 

What is the purpose of the welcome mat?  To simply wipe your feet before entering the home?  Or is it more complex?  Perhaps it’s the true welcoming gesture into someone’s home and their life. 

Inside those homes, we often find lonely women who are completing the mundane chores of life. Folding laundry, kissing boo-boos, making dinner, paying bills, and raising children.  They could be single or married.  Mothers or Grandmothers.  Career-focused or school-focused.  All walks of life and all ages of women…who may be lonely despite their welcome mat at the front door.

The psalmist tells us “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.” ~Psalm 25:16

How can we combat the loneliness we see in ourselves and in other women?  We can dust off our own welcome mat and invite others into our space.  Who cares if you have toys on the floor or unfolded laundry on top of the dining room table?  Let those who are lonely see that they aren’t alone…and that we can stop pressuring ourselves and others to feel as though they must present a perfected picture of their home. 

As women, we don’t typically need to see perfection.  Rather, we’d like to see genuineness.  And in that genuine interaction, we see the ‘realness’ of one another.  We aren’t waiting to judge…we simply waiting to be invited in.

Perhaps the world needs more welcome mats. 

Even if they make a joke about Rachel and Ross being on a break…

~Emily

I Hate You & Other Valentine’s Declarations

In the middle of a heated argument that had frankly gone way too far, I said, “I hate you!”  That phrase stopped us both in our tracks.  Literally pumped the breaks on the fight. 

A couple of slow blinks and my husband said, “do you mean that?”

Stuttering and blinking back tears I said, “No, of course, I don’t mean that…I’m just so frustrated and angry…I’m not even sure why I would even say that to you…I am sorry…I shouldn’t have said it.” 

As Christian women, we’re quick to remind ourselves about being a Proverbs 31 woman.  That woman is faithful and expresses reverence towards her husband.  She’s strong, charitable, well-rounded, cares for her family, and fears the Lord.  That woman does not actively argue in anger with her husband.

Often I think we focus solely on the Proverbs 31 woman and we forget the example in Chapter 2 of Titus.  The Titus 2 woman is also a reverent, self-controlled gal who is submissive to her husband.  She also trains young women and is a teacher of good things.  She is specifically not slanderous.  That woman does not tell her husband that she hates him.

My hate-filled declaration during an argument was neither an example of Proverbs 31 or Titus 2.  Here, I violated two separate examples that God has given us about how to behave within a marriage.  Yet, God gives us other examples of harnessing our anger.  In Ephesians 4:31 (NASB) scripture says, “All bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice.”

Why must anger and slander be removed from us?  Simply stated, it’s hard, if not impossible, to love as Christ did while harboring anger. 

Proverbs 10:12 (NASB) tells us, “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.”

Love covers all offenses.  Real ones and perceived ones.  During a marital spat, I need the reminder that I love this guy I’m married to.  He’s not my enemy, rather he’s my teammate and I should be treating him with the respect that is demanded in both Proverbs 31 and Titus 2. 

Obviously, this is specific to marriage, but it’s applicable to any relationship where we want to demonstrate the love of the Lord.  We would all be better if we could remember the lessons of releasing anger and approaching one another in love.

So on the Hallmark holiday of love, I’ll make the public declaration:

I love you, babe…thanks for putting up with me.

~Emily

Craving Watermelon

A few mornings ago, I announced to Erin that I wanted some juicy, super sweet, cold watermelon.  In fact, I used the phrase ‘craving watermelon.’ And trust me, it was a very random announcement in the middle of conversation that had nothing to do with food.

First, let me announce that it’s a random craving…and no, I’m not experiencing pregnancy hormones.  Second, it’s February…we’re pretty far away from anything even close to ‘watermelon season.’ Third, when I explained I wanted cold watermelon, I used the phrase “right out of the creek bed.”  Erin demanded an explanation as she laughed at me.  It was sparked by a childhood memory of my mom placing whole watermelons in a creek during our picnics to cool them off before we cut into them.

There is something about watermelon that sings ‘summer’ to me.  It’s the wonderful sight of juicy red fruit and the first inhale of its crisp promise of sweetness. 

However, it’s got one little problem. 

Actually, more than one problem…it’s dozens of problems.

Seeds.  Seeds are the problem.

We have to be careful when consuming watermelon to ensure that we aren’t swallowing large amounts of seeds.  It doesn’t matter if you believe it’s unhealthy or healthy to swallow them…the point is that the seeds can spoil the experience of eating a super sweet piece of fruit.

The same is true with Biblical teachings.  Some appear encouraging and true on the surface.  It’s what we want to hear…or it’s what we can accept at any given time in our lives.  Sometimes popular Christian authors aren’t actually who we should be reading…maybe there are people at church we shouldn’t be hanging out with…perhaps there’s Christian music we shouldn’t be listening to. 

The book of Acts provides us with an example of examining scriptures to see the truth of God’s word.  “Now these Jews were more noble than those in Thessalonica; they received the word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so.” ~Acts 17:11 (ESV)

All Biblical teachings should be compared to God’s Word.  All.  As in, the teachings of others, authors, musicians, and even the people we associate with.  All Biblical teachings should be compared to the Bible. 

If the teaching is true, ingest it. 

If the teaching is found to be false, spit it out…just like the watermelon seeds.

I pray this week that you can enjoy Biblical teachings with discernment to see what you should retain and reject.  And while I’m praying this, I’m still longing for the summer…with the promise of that first sweet bite of watermelon!

~Emily

A Look at Suicide: Knowing ’22 a Day’ isn’t just a Catch Phrase

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4 (NIV)

In the last two years, suicide has been skirting the edges of my circle more than ever.  A friend of a friend recently had suicidal ideations.  I’ve been hearing small group prayer requests for those close to someone who is expressing suicidal thoughts.  A friend’s daughter was involuntarily admitted for a suicide attempt. A High School classmate and the brother of another friend committed suicide.  Messages from senior leaders in the military remind us to keep tabs on each other in light of the news or anniversaries.  “22 a day” has become a mantra of the military and veteran affairs, as we now know that the statistics are showing 22 veterans commit suicide each day. As in, every single day, we lose 22 Americans to suicide who had previously served in the military.

Is suicide more prevalent than it has been before? Or is it just touching my circle more closely in recent years?  Frankly, it doesn’t matter if it’s more prevalent or just touching my circle more.  The reality is that it’s there.  It’s impacting those around me.  And it’s impacting me.

How can I help those around me or myself?  I can send cards or flowers…I can call on my connections for airline hook-ups…I can make dinner for a family.  I can be there. I can call. I can pray. But it doesn’t feel like enough.  

The academic historian in me often turns to research in times of turmoil to distract myself.  Over the last few months of increased suicide in my circle, I’ve been turning to research suicide in the Bible.

As far as I can tell, there are examples of five confirmed people committing suicide in the Bible, as well as two other examples that could be arguably suicide:

Confirmed Suicide:

1. Zimri (1 Kings 16:18): by fire

2. Judas (Matthew 27:3-5): by hanging

3. Ahithophel (2 Samuel 17:23): by hanging

4. Saul (1 Samuel 31:4-5 & 1 Chronicles 10:4-5): by sword

5. Saul’s Armor bearer (1 Samuel 31:5 & 1 Chronicles 10:4-5): by sword

Possible Suicide:

6. Abimelch (Judges 9:53-54): by armor bearer’s sword.  In this example, Abimelch’s head had been crushed by a stone thrown by a woman.  Instead of facing the humiliation of being killed by a woman, he requested that his armor bearer kill him with a sword.  Some will argue it wasn’t suicide, as he was already dying and had another finish the job.  Still, others claim it was suicide because of his motive and intent to end his own life. 

7. Samson (Judges 16:30): by crushing himself and others. In this scenario, motive becomes the contentious argument for the reasons for death.  Some will argue that Samson’s sense of revenge leading to the death supports suicidal ideation, while others will agree that this was a sacrificial death rather than an intentional suicide. 

Regardless of the number of suicide examples in the Bible, there are real-life suicides happening all around us.  Laurence Binyon wrote a poem in 1914 that says “The mourners leave, the mourned remain…” What a sad statement about what happens at the end of a funeral. 

If it’s a family member, a high school friend, an acquaintance through a small group, or a military member (one of the 22 a day)…any of those hurt our hearts.   Instead of having to privately mourn those who choose suicide, let’s start to brainstorm ideas of how we can support those going through these scenarios.  Prayer is most important, but so is the care & feeding of the families who are walking through this season. 

If you find yourself needing help call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org

~Emily

Selfish Ambitions

I recently was given an opportunity to attend six college classes related to my museum-related career.  This opportunity includes not only attending the courses but a portion of the coursework would be financed.  It would only cost my family about 50% of the original price.  The coursework would culminate with a Master of Art in Museum Administration degree.  I’d love to do it!

The catch?  I have to apply within the next two weeks, as courses start at the beginning of March. That’s okay…I’d love to do it!

As a lifelong learner, this is right up my alley. I love school and learning.  As a historian, this thrills me to learn more about how to showcase history.  And a discount?  That is the icing on the cake.  For sure…I’d love to do it!

But do I need the extra degree? Should I take the discounted classes, when someone else could possibly utilize the scholarship?  I already have a terminal degree. I’m already employed in museum work.  This degree won’t help me get promoted.  And frankly, without the discount had I even been considering another degree?   Yes, but…I’d love to do it!

More than the career implications, I want to consider what God has to say about ambition.  Was I being selfish in considering my application? 

James 3:14-18 (NIV) states, “But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such wisdom does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.   But the wisdom that comes from heaven is, first of all, pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.”

The two-week deadline is what I initially struggled with.  I wanted time to pray about it and fully analyze the financial and time commitment that it meant for my family.  There’s nothing about selfish ambition that I want to be a part of.  It sounds horrible.  Even in my career, I want my ambitions to be God driven…God approved. 

Rather than jump the gun in selfish ambition, I’ve decided to wait. I’m changing that heartfelt desire to do this coursework to I’d love to do it…when it’s God’s timing for my career and my family’s schedule!

I pray that the Lord unveils any selfish ambitions in your own life!

~Emily

Tornadoes of Life

From my sliding glass door, I once watched a tornado form and touch down.  That was in Cheyenne, WY.  It wasn’t until I bought a house with my husband in Alabama that I was actually within a polygon for a tornado watch or warning.  And now…I’ve been in more than I can count.  It wasn’t until we settled into retirement in central Alabama that we found out this area is called “Dixie Alley,” as a parallel to “Tornado Alley” in the mid-west. 

In the last week, countless communities and lives have been impacted by a string of tornadoes that powered through Alabama.  The day of the storms was a tidal wave of emotions.  At first, very little concern over the weather.  Then I rush home to pick up outdoor furniture before deciding to go check my son out of school early.  While waiting in a mile-long line of parents picking up their own children early, we learned that a huge tornado had already touched down in Selma.  And we learned that the same supercell was heading toward the communities around us. 

It was a rare moment where I spontaneously began praying out loud while in line (although it was under my breath and not very “out loud”).  I prayed for protection over our small town that has already endured so many tragedies over the last year, but specifically, I was praying for the communities that had already been hit.  I had full confidence that the Lord heard these prayers.  Why?  Because in John 14:13-14 (ESV) we read, “Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.  If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.”

Do you want to know what was more touching than my simple prayers in line?  The response to those who were in need.  Within hours, massive clothing and food drives were organized. Teams of chainsaw-welding men patrolled neighborhoods.  Linemen from in and out of state restored power to all the homes of Alabama.  Social media sprung to life trying to connect photographs tossed miles from home to families. 

Why was there such an intense outpouring of love and response in the moments after these tornadoes touched down?  In some cases, it may be out of kindness or because you would hope that someone would do the same for you. 

For the Christian, it may be because Jesus told us to.  In John 15:12-13 (ESV) Jesus said, “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”   Jesus demonstrated an extravagant love for people.  While we can’t literally lay down our lives for others in daily life, we can choose to love extravagantly in smaller ways.  For instance, we can donate to those who need tangible items after losing everything in a natural disaster. 

God told us in Galatians 6:2, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.”  This means that we do not have to do life alone and that we should be trying to assist one another in burdens and tragedies.  When we see others struggling, we can choose to help with our support, our love, our finances, and any other resources that we may have.  This is a physical outpouring of the love Christ shows us and we in turn can show others.

In the midst of a natural disaster that doesn’t directly impact your home, it’s easy to praise God for sparing you and yours.  However, Hebrews 13:16 reminds us “And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.”  This is a practical reminder to continuously look for ways to impact others with blessings.

The tornadoes that ripped through Alabama last week were devastating.  Yet, it’s been refreshing to watch how much love and care is being shown to the families who lost loved ones and those who are having to rebuild their homes and businesses.  The reality is this: we should react this way during a disaster.  But we should also react this way daily…even when it isn’t tragedy. 

I truly pray that we can act this way towards one another during a crisis and during the calm. 

~Emily

Become Forgettable

In the New Testament, there are five mentions of a man that you may be unfamiliar with.  I wasn’t familiar with him.  Honestly, I had read his name often but did not recognize his significance.  He’s mentioned in Acts 20:4, Ephesians 6:21, Colossians 4:7, 2 Timothy 4:12, and Titus 3:12. 

His name was Tychicus. 

And he’s quite forgettable within all the narrative of the New Testament. 

He appears near the end of Paul’s mission work in Ephesus.  He had been selected to deliver several letters for Paul.  He was with the former runaway slave, Onesimus, when he converted and went to Colossae.  Could he have witnessed the riots that started with Demetrious the silversmith whose business was impacted by Paul’s sermons on idol worship? Possible. Could he have been Paul’s scribe for some of the letters in the New Testament?  Possible.  Could he have been trusted to deliver more letters than we know? Also, possible. 

Throughout the second half of Paul’s ministry, Tychicus was likely present for nearly every significant event.  Yet, he was in the background.  He became forgettable.

We live in a society that demands we are remembered.  Social media imprints, how we dress, High School reunions, our speeches and volunteer work, board meetings, medals and decorations with a few promotions thrown in…all ways where we strive to be remembered.  We are seeing the creation of “mini-celebrities” in an effort for all of us to be remembered in some capacity.

Even within the church. 

Some leadership structures allow Pastors to have celebrity status.  Others create titles for ministry leaders that lead to elevation of status.  Social media platforms embellish ministry work or community impacts.  Slowly, we become enamored with our own voice and status and forget about the voice of the One we should be most reliant on. 

Yet, the church needs more servants like Tychicus.  Ones who want the Gospel known but don’t care if they ever are.  The ones who do seemingly tedious work in order to advance the Kingdom, but aren’t seeking their own recognition.

This week I’ll be praying that each of us can be more like Tychicus…that we become forgettable.

~Emily