Confidence Shaken

It is no secret that I’m a bigger girl.  I love food far more than I should and exercise far less than I even care to admit.  The only time you’d ever catch me running is if a bear were chasing me, and if you want some real truth, I’d probably just turn around and accept my fate of being dinner.  It’s way too taxing to exert my energy into exercise.  (Please, to all health-conscious reading this, don’t come for me!)  While sometimes it’s a struggle to think about how heavy I’ve become, it is who I am, and I’m ok with it.  This weekend, however, my confidence was shaken. 

I was shopping for a dress in Birmingham with Emily and my youngest daughter, Peyton.  We went to the mall and hit the first store. I asked the associate if the location we were in had plus size dresses, to which she replied they had a “few” in another location. 

Now, I’m not looking for an entire store full of dresses, but I would’ve loved to have seen more than just six dresses for larger women, and it just didn’t happen.  In fact, every major department store we went to informed me that “IF” they had any, they’d be in whatever section to which they pointed.  Two stores said they had eliminated plus size dresses.  It was disheartening, but I was fine.  Until the last store.

The lady was kind.  And she was caring.  She did absolutely nothing wrong.  When I asked her about whether they carried plus-size dresses she replied, “I’m afraid we don’t.  We should, and I’m sorry about that.”  And it broke me!

I teared up for whatever reason.  She was so sweet, but when she said it, she might as well have said, “Hey fattie, I’m sorry we don’t carry anything big enough for you to fit in.”  The day had chipped away at my self-esteem and when the sales associate told me they “should carry them,” it just made me feel like a failure.

The bible teaches us just the opposite, however.  Powerful words in Psalm remind me that I’m not a failure and that God made me who I am.  Psalm 139:14 says, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

God made me and I am beautiful to Him.  While my weight may fluctuate or my skin might wrinkle, what matters is that God formed me to be me, and those traits that society may base opinions on are not what God sees. 

My inner beauty that reflects God’s goodness makes my outer beauty radiant.  And I’d much rather shine from the love of Jesus.  It makes me beautiful!

The feelings I had about myself stung, because I am human.  But when we’re struggling with how society sees us, I encourage you, dear friends, to remember who made you.

You were made in His image, and we are fearfully and wonderfully made!

~Erin

P.S. I found a dress!

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