My husband and I often tag-team in the kitchen. We normally work as a pretty good team on favorite recipes, but new ones tend to create drama. I begin to lose patience and get some attitude. It’s usually accompanied by a snotty comment. Inevitably, my husband throws up his hands and says something to the effect of “you’re the one who went to culinary school, you do it.”
I think this is a more common reaction than we recognize. When we lose patience or when we get aggravated, we have similar reactions. When we feel we know better or when we feel that someone should behave a certain way, we have similar reactions. It’s the reaction of literally or figuratively throwing up your hands and saying “you’re the one who…blah, blah, blah” and you’re able to insert whatever finish to that statement that you want.
At work, one could add “you’re the one who is in charge or has the degrees.”
At the grocery store, one could add “you’re the one who works here.”
At church, one could say “you’re the one who went to seminary or has been a Christian longer.”
I’ve been thinking about it for a few weeks, and I’ve concluded that when we use this reaction at work, in relationships, and especially at church, it’s not helpful. It becomes blame-shifting in a passive-aggressive manner while justifying why we should be held more accountable for the interaction.
When you look at the Garden of Eden, you see Adam react in this blame-shifting manner when God asks what has happened after they ate the fruit. In Genesis 3:12-13, Adam states “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” Adam blames God and the woman. In turn, Eve replies, “The serpent deceived me and I ate.” Neither takes responsibility for their own role in the sin.
Because we don’t accept our own sinful behavior, we end up not exercising grace. And that dear sisters is when we start to say things like “you’re the one who….blah, blah, blah.”
Even though I really did go to culinary school, I’m going to try to control my patience level and not push my husband to the point he throws his hands up at me. I challenge you to find an area of your life that you can work on too!