I wish I had some poetic way to write what I’m feeling right now. I always feel like I need to make sure every word is just perfect for the topic I’m writing on, but right now, the only thing running through my mind is this:
I am afraid.
My daughter, McKenna, her husband, Indy, and their one-year-old Andros evacuated their home in Panama City on Monday night as they prepared for Hurricane Michael to barrel through their city. Indy is stationed in the Air Force there. They are all safe. We’ve been glued to the news reports, to Facebook, to YouTube trying to catch some glimpse of what the destruction looks like. It’s exhausting.
But I’m afraid of what they’ll find when they are allowed to return. Will they be able to stay in their home? Will it be destroyed? Will there be anything left to salvage? What’s their first step, second step, third step? I’m her mom, and I can’t fix this for her. And it’s crushing to me.
Yet while I worry, I know that God’s plan is bigger than my own. The two days leading up to the storm, I cried out to the Lord, “In Mark 4, God, you told the wind and the waves to ‘be still’, and they listened. Please, Jesus, do that now.” They raged on. Yesterday and this morning, I prayed that God would wrap my daughter in peace that passes all understanding. “Give her peace that only You can give.” This afternoon, McKenna asked me to pray with her while we were on the phone. “Jesus, we know that You know what you’re doing in this. While we don’t get it even a little, and we don’t like it at all, we trust that Your bigger picture is better.”
God’s picture, while distorted and out of focus to me or to McKenna, is in perfect focus to Him. I can still be afraid. I can still be angry. I can still be frustrated. But I need to lean on Him while I feel this way. He is the only one that can help me through this worry and doubt and anger. He will see this family through as they rebuild whatever needs to be rebuilt.
Here’s what I pray for you…no matter what struggle you’re going through—a devastating natural disaster, a miscarriage, a divorce, a job loss—while we don’t always see the plan, know that God sees YOU. He knows you and loves you. He wants to comfort you. Let Him in.